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TOEFL independent essay In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay. It is a well known fact that people in the 21st century have longer life expectancies. There are, in my opinion, three main reasons to why this occurs. The first one is that the general living and hygienic conditions underwent an improvement in the past decades. For example, it was normal for my gran-parents, when they were young, to have a house without a bathroom and to use the same tub water for more that one people to have a bath. The second reason that comes to my mind is the advancements that modern medicine has made not only in vaccines and antibiotics but also in the development of new and safer surgery techniques and of better imaging techniques such as CAT and MRI that help to have a quicker and more certain diagnosis. There is also an improved attention to the prevention of diseases such as cardiovascular affections. For example we now know that exercising and eating food low in animal fat can help us prevent artery occlusion and ,hence, myocardial infarction. In conclusion, I think that nowadays we can have longer life expectancies because of improvements in our general living condition and in the medical department. This was the first time I tried to write an essay in English. I hope it's not too bad. Please feel free to make corrections, it will be much appreciated. Thank you.

Corrections · 3

1

Hello!

An excellent attempt at writing an English Essay!


Paul


TOEFL independent essay

In general, people are living longer now. Discuss the causes of this phenomenon. Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.

It is a well known fact that people in the 21st century have a longer life expectancy expectancies.
There are, in my opinion, three main reasons as to why this occurs.
The first one is that the general living and hygienic conditions have undergone underwent an improvement in over the past few decades. For example, it was normal for my grandparents, when they were young, to have a house without a bathroom and to use the same tub bath water for more that than one people person to bathe in have a bath.
The second reason that comes to my mind is the advancements that modern medicine has made not only in vaccines and antibiotics but also in the development of new and safer surgery [surgical] techniques and of better imaging techniques such as CAT and MRI that help to have provide a quicker and more certain diagnosis.
There is also an improved attention to the prevention of diseases such as cardiovascular affections. For example, we now know that exercising and eating foods low in animal fat can help us prevent artery occlusion and ,hence subsequently, myocardial infarction.
In conclusion, I think that nowadays we can have a longer life expectancy expectancies because of [due to] improvements in our general living condition and in the medical department [profession].
 
This was is the first time I have tried to write an essay in English. I hope it's not too bad. Please feel free to make corrections, it will be much appreciated.
Thank you.
0

To prepare - instead of to develop

Grand parents is correct

You must use , after for example. 

After . you must use capital letter

Warm wishes,

Qasem Mafi

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