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This comsition is written according to a title from my English book. Hello,everyone!Winter vacation is coming.I'd like to talk about my plan for the vacation. Firstly, I want to go to the old people's home to cheer them up,things like telling some jokes ,reading newspapers,dancing and so on. I think many old people are lonely,they need love,we should care about them. I'm outgoing enough,I think I can make them happy.Secondly, I plan to clean up the city park once a week.Because the city park is very dirty,there has a lot of rubbish. Do it can result in environment pollution. It's some good way to help others and practice myself.

Corrections · 8

1

This comsition is written according to a title from my English book.

Hello,everyone!Winter vacation is coming.I'd like to talk about my plan for the vacation.
Firstly, I want to go to the old people's home to cheer them up,things like telling some jokes ,reading newspapers,dancing and so on. I think many old people are lonely,they need love,we should care about them. I'm outgoing enough,I think I can make them happy.Secondly, I plan to clean up the city park once a week.Because the city park is very dirty,there has a lot of rubbish. Do it can result in environment pollution. It's some good way to help others and practice myself.


Please remember to leave a space after the use of all punctuation.

1

This composition is written according to a title from my English book.

Hello,everyone! Winter vacation is coming. I'd like to talk about my plan for the vacation.
First, I want to go to the old people's home to cheer them up,things like telling some jokes ,reading newspapers aloud,dancing for them and so on. I think many old people are lonely and need love. We should care about them. Because I'm outgoing enough,I think I can make them happy. Secondly, I plan to clean up the city park once a week .Because the city park is very dirty and there has a lot of rubbish, it can result in environment pollution. It's another good way to help others and help myself.
1

This composition is written using ?  a title from my English book.

Hello,everyone!Winter vacation is coming.I'd like to talk about my plans for the vacation.
Firstly, I want to go to the old people's home to cheer them up.  Doing things like telling jokes ,reading newspapers,dancing and so on. I think many old people are lonely. They need love.  We should care about them. I'm outgoing enough,I think I can make them happy.Secondly, I plan to clean up the city park once a week because the city park is very dirty. There is a lot of rubbish. It can result in environmental pollution. It's  some good ways to help others and (? * ) myself.

* Not sure what you are trying to say here., but "good ways to help others and myself" makes sense.  You could also say "good ways to help others and practise kindness."  

Some of your commas (,) I turned into full stops (.) because there was no conjunction.

Well done.

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