My first speech draft
I have to give a presentation tomorrow, and I am worried about the content of PowerPoint. Please help me correct my mistake.I will really appreciate it.^^
PURPOSE
Anny’s academic performance is weak, and tutor can’t help with her grade. We want to figure out the reason and confirm whether she have the difficulty of concentration.
BACKGROUND
Anny is a 7-year-old girl. Her academic performance is weak and she can’t get on well with her classmates.
Her parents are healthy and have no mental disease, and both of them have university degree. However, her grandma always have the difficulty of concentration, and her uncle had been diagnosed with ADD when he was young.
She didn’t accept any education and learn alphabet before the primary school. She can not do well in school, and she had accepted the help from RTI but it didn’t work.
OBSERVATION
Anny always fell in sleep at writing and reading class, and she seldom raised her hand to answer question at math class. When she at the playground, she stayed alone and nobody was willing to play with her. In the assessment, she can’t persist with math calculating task, and she appeared nervous when the task became more difficult. It’s seemed that she can’t get on well with teacher and peers, she said that it might because she always lost her homework and toys which borrow from her classmates. She took a long time to finished the assessment.
ASSESSMENT
It was easy to establish rapport with Anny, but she was a little bit shy when we were talking. She can persist with most of the task in the test, except math calculating and memory task. When the task became harder, she didn’t quit but acted anxious and dispirited. She was a little bit upset when she failed the task. She can not pay attention for a long time and she need lots of breaks.
CONCLUSION
Anny have specific learning disability of reading and math, and she have ADD which affects their educational performance.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Here is some recommendation to help Anny :
1. Arrange a tutor to help Anny with her ability of reading.
2. Explain Anny’s situation to her teacher and increase collaboration of her parent and teacher.
3. Provide extra tools which can help with her study, such as a computer.
4. Give her both medication and behavior treatment to help her develop her ability of concentration.
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Corrections · 4
1
The corrections are slightly different to suit an academic presentation.
BACKGROUND
Anny is a 7-year-old girl. Her academic performance is weak and she can’t get on well with her classmates.
Her parents are healthy and have no history of mental disease, and Both of them have university degrees. However, her grandmother always have the has difficulty of in concentrating, and her uncle had been diagnosed with ADD when he was young.
She didn’t accept any education* and learnt the alphabet before the primary school. She can not is not able to do well in school, and she had accepted In the past, she had the help from RTI but it didn’t work seem to help.
*"She didn’t accept any education..." be very careful here. 'She' can either refer to Anny or her grandmother. So it is much better here to write 'Anny' or 'Grandmother' so that the listener or the person reading the ppt is totally clear. Also, it is not clear what you mean by 'accepting any education'. Very few people do not accept education.
PURPOSE (this should go after the background)
Anny’s academic performance is weak, and her tutor can’t was unable to help with her grades. We wanted to first confirm whether she have the has difficulty with her concentration and secondly, figure out the reason find the possible reasons for this.*
*(the order of your statements is very important. You can only find a reason after first establishing the difficulty in concentrating. You original statement wanted to find a reason for first for something that was yet to be confirmed)
OBSERVATION
Anny always fell in asleep at writing and reading classes, and She seldom raised her hand to answer questions at maths class. When she was at the playground, she stayed alone and nobody was willing to play with her. In the assessment, she was unable to persist complete with maths calculating task calculations, and she appeared nervous when the task calculations became more difficult. It’s seemed that she can’t get on well with teacher and peers, and she said that it might be because she always loses her homework and toys which were borrowed from her classmates. She took a long time to finished the assessment.
ASSESSMENT
It was easy to establish a rapport with Anny, but she was a little bit shy when we were talking. She can was able to persist with most of the tasks in the test, except math calculations and memory tasks. When the a task became harder, she didn’t quit but would acted anxious and dispirited. She was a little bit upset when she failed the task. She can could not pay attention for a long time and she needed lots of breaks.
CONCLUSION
Anny have has specific learning disabilities in reading and maths, and She have has ADD which affects their her educational performance.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Here is are some recommendations to help Anny :
1. Arrange a tutor to help Anny with her ability of in reading.
2. Explain Anny’s situation to her teacher and increase collaboration of between her parents and teacher.
3. Provide extra tools which can help with her study, such as a computer.
4. Give her both medication and behaviour treatment to help her develop her ability of concentration. to concentrate.
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PURPOSE
Anny’s academic performance is weak, and her tutor can’t help with her grades. We want to figure out the reason and confirm whether she has difficulty concentrating.
BACKGROUND
Anny is a 7-year-old girl. Her academic performance is weak and she can’t get on well with her classmates.
Her parents are healthy and have no mental diseases(.) Both of them have university degrees. However, her grandmother had difficulty concentrating, and her uncle was diagnosed with ADD when he was young.
She didn’t accept any education, or learn the alphabet before primary school. She does not do well in school, and she has accepted the help from RTI but it has not worked.
OBSERVATION
Anny always fell in sleep at during writing and reading class, and she seldom raised her hand to answer questions in math class. When she on the playground, she stayed alone and nobody was willing to play with her. In the assessment, she could not solve math problems, and she appeared nervous when the task became more difficult. It seemed that she could not get on well with teacher and peers. She said that it might because she always lost her homework and the toys she borrowed from her classmates. She took a long time to finished the assessment.
ASSESSMENT
It was easy to establish rapport with Anny, but she was a little bit shy when we were talking. She can accomplish most of the tasks in the test, except for the math and memory tasks. When the tasks became harder, she didn’t quit but acted anxious and dispirited. She was a little bit upset when she failed. She can not pay attention for a long time and she needs lots of breaks.
CONCLUSION
Anny has a specific learning disability affecting her reading and math skills, and she has ADD, which affects her educational performance.
RECOMMENDATIONS
Here are some recommendations to help Anny :
1. Arrange a tutor to help Anny with her ability of reading.
2. Explain Anny’s situation to her teacher and increase collaboration of her parents and teacher.
3. Provide extra tools to help with her study, such as a computer.
4. Give her both medication and behavior treatment to help her develop her concentration ability.
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