My visit to the university where I graduated from

It was sunny day. Everything felt uncomfortably hot due to the intensity of the Sun's rays. I was dressed in my summer clothes and I knew that I was going to visit the university. When I arrived at the university's entrance gate, I told the security guard that I wanted to visit the bank's branch inside and he let me through. Once I arrived at bank's gate, however, I was shocked to discover / learn that bank was closed. So, I then went to the university's accounting office and asked them about my library fee security refund cheque. They told me that I was late in claiming it and that it may have already expired. This worried me. I didn't lose hope completely though and went to see about it at the cheque delivery office. Upon my inquiry, they checked their records and found that my check was, in fact, still there. I felt so very happy!  I picked it up and returned to my home. I have decided to buy a new pair of shoes with this money.

Good job! I, too, am glad that you were able to get your money. As to English, your ideas are clear and logical, but you should learn more vocabulary so that you can create better, more descriptive, sentences as I have done. I do not think that you speak so "blandly" in your own language, so you should try to reflect that in your writings here as well. Add distance, colors, sounds, etc. Paint me a picture (as the reader...) as I want to "see" what you are talking about, not just, "I went, I wanted, etc."  I believe that you can be a very good writer if you apply yourself. J.