今天早上十点爸爸和朋友聊天儿的时候，爸爸突然晕倒了

中文很好，继续加油哟。

今天早上十点爸爸和朋友聊天儿的时候突然晕倒了

今天早上十点爸爸和朋友聊天儿的时候突然晕倒了,朋友急忙叫了救护车。
医院很快给我打了电话。“你父亲住院了”。

知道后我非常担心他，早上十一点半便到了医院。
医生对我说“你父亲患了脑梗塞，他身体右侧麻痹，无法行走。而且目前他说话含糊不清，我没法听清。”
他现在在重症监护病房。需要住院四个月。

爸爸家离我那有点儿远。我不知道他的钱包，身分证，保险单在哪里。

我每天想去医院看他。
我的运气真是糟透了。为什么会遇到这么让人难过的事情。

今天早上十点爸爸和朋友聊天儿的时候，爸爸突然晕倒了

为什么我的运气那么差！为什么这种事情会发生在我爸爸身上！

好像改得很糟糕诶！我稍微改了下句子里面的顺序和语法。但是感觉整篇文章有点类似小学生写的日记，所以也不好改。不过如果对于母语非中文的人来说已经很好了。这是我第一次改，可能也有不完美的地方，还希望有牛人指教。（It seems like I am terrible at correction. I made some corrections in grammar and sentence's order. But the whole article looks like a diary written by an elementary student. So it's kind of to correct. However, it is good enough for someone who learns Chinese as a non-native speaker. This is my first time doing correction. I may miss something. Hope someone can find out.）

今天早上十点爸爸和朋友聊天儿的时候，爸爸突然晕倒了

Trying to avoid using “了” may strenthen the fluency of your words.

I strongly recommend you to make use of "，" , rather than starting a new sentence. Too many individual sentences make the whole text messed up.

In my own view 语音 is a little too formal there. But if you don't change this word, it's okay.

有 can't be combined with 事情 there. When  you say that someone 有事情, it's more likely to mean that something happend DIRECTLY on that guy, or you can use it to ask if someone has something that he or she may ask you to do.

Anyway, there's not as many words like 哦 啊 噢 喔 哇 used in Chinese as in English.When you put so many of them in your words, it seems strange. ……mmm, it's like continuously  uttering that many meaningless syllables when speaking. Strage, really.

Well, it's kinda nervous for that's my first "Correction" on italki. And in consideration that I'm just a senior student my English might be not  fluent enough and doesn't convey all my ideas. Anyway, my Chinese is not bad , i pounder.

Sorry to hear your unfortunate experience.

并且，极其地不好意思，因为是第一次修改作文，我甚至不知道有色标这个玩意……(T_T)

对照原文凑合看吧……