Corrections · 3
IELTS WRITING
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However,too strong sense of competition being too competitive has disadvantages which will make children to be selfish and do not knowing how to share. So,co-operation is also very important. Working together could can help children develop social skills such as communication skills and team spirit.They need to work together to achieve the goal so in this process they would reach their potential and working closely with their team members. Another part consideration I would like to mention is teamwork are is always more effective than personal individual work (that is usually but not always true) because everyone have has their own advantages, and when they co-operate they can learn from each other and expand their minds, update their skills and broaden their knowledge.
In short, having a sense of competition being competitive and cooperating are both very important. The young generation needs to achieve a balance of these, and to develop themselves, finish and to attain their dreams.
IELTS WRITING
TOPIC: Some people think that a sense of competition in children competitiveness should be encouraged in children. Others believe that children who are taught to co-operate rather than compete become more useful adults. (I guess you copy-pasted the question, but it is better this way)
Discuss both of these views and give your own opinion.
Children are always the most important generation in the any country who because they will decide the country’s future. How to teach younger people has been paid given more and more attention to. (you could use 'paid to' if you reorganised the sentence starting 'more and more') While People have two differing opinions about education focussing on “competition” and “co-operation”
Having a sense of competition is very necessary to face today’s knowledge-based economy is very necessary. In most places, there are less resources/opportunities are less than before. In particular, job opportunities. As you can see, nowadays the workforce has been is being replaced by computers and robots, therefore, unless children are excellent outstanding at one or other specialisation/field some parts or better smarter than others, it will be impossible for them to find a job. In this case,expand building a competitive spirit is urgent/essential are in a hurry. In addition, when humans compete/are in the competition, this creates a pressure environment always can give then stress which can let cause them to work hard and this will definitely help them achieve their goals.
(It's too long to do in one go ...)
Punctuation - a space is need after comma, fullstop...
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