The Reasons that I Apply for a Certain Program

This article essay is extremely important to me because it's it is a part of the documentation for my application documents.

So I truly hope someone can help me to polish it up:)

Your writing is not formal enough for an application essay.  It is filled with conversational tone and not suitable for this sort of environment.  At the same time, you need to be right to the point and talk more about why the program fascinates you and be of mutual benefit and not what it can do for you personally even though you are paying for it.  Academics like strength with humility.

You should provide the question of the essay.  It is very important.  Without it, I cannot tell precisely what its intention is.  I can only rewrite according to general requirements on why you are interested in their program.

Hong Kong’s role as a financial centre really attracts aspiring young people like me. since It is the concentration of where financial resources are concentrated.  could provide the wide professional network that I lack to gain the information and perspective of finance. It will would be extremely helpful for someone new into the field if I can be immersed in such an environment. , but what matters more is what I can directly learn from Nevertheless your program provides the kind of nurturing environment I seek in the courses you offer After selecting for several times, I found that my major and my experience are in line with the courses you provide. Combined with the internship opportunities you provide, your courses such as Financial Mathematics & and Statistics.  At the same time, your program also offers excellent internships.  for Financial Services, which is where my interest is in, could help me to refine my analytical skills. Even I’ve learned some quantitative models to evaluate financial risks, I sometimes feel like biting off more than I could chew when I face practical finance problem. So, there are some areas that I hope to polish further, for example, I hope to gain more exposure in managing financial risks and to master the use of advanced quantitative models. Because my career might begin in the risk-management department of financial institution, what I hope to learn from this program is to find risks and control risks incisively. If I have a rich foundation in this field, I think I could definitely make a change to China’s internet-finance and serve my social mission

This should be your concluding paragraph in answering the rest of the questions.  What you are giving is too much personal ideals for the future and sounds very lame.

I have been studying quantitive models in evalutating financial risks. Your program matches my requirements in furthering my experience to start a career in risk management.

could help me to refine my analytical skills. Even I’ve learned some quantitative models to evaluate financial risks, I sometimes feel like biting off more than I could chew when I face practical finance problem. So, there are some areas that I hope to polish further, for example, I hope to gain more exposure in managing financial risks and to master the use of advanced quantitative models. Because my career might begin in the risk-management department of financial institution, what I hope to learn from this program is to find risks and control risks incisively. If I have a rich foundation in this field, I think I could definitely make a change to China’s internet-finance and serve my social mission