FORMAL LETTER

Dear Ms. Ross,

My name is Laia and I am 21 years old. I am studying Architecture and this is my fourth year at the university.

I am writing this letter because I would like to hold the job for the International Student Fair. I would like to help people who could have similar problems as I had be in a similar situation like I was in my first year at the university. Moreover, as I have been studying since now four years ago, I think my experience could be positive for giving to give directions, for offering offer advices (advice is already plural), for helpping to help, etc.

I could work evenings because I have the lectures in the mornings, so the job would not be a problem for my studies. That way, this job would not conflict with my studies. 

Eventually, I would like to know how much I would be paid and my hours. how many hours is on a day.

For more details, I have enclosed my curriculum vitae. And, if there is are any questin questions you would like to ask me (redundant), please feel free to let me know. Thanking Thank you in advance, and I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
Laia (no period)

Very good. Overall, I just made the letter sound more "neutral". That way, there are less connotations and more proffesionalism.

FORMAL LETTER

Dear Ms. Ross,

My name is Laia and I am 21 years old. I am studying architecture and this is my fourth year at the university.* 

I am writing this letter because I would like to hold apply for the a job for at the International Student Fair. I would like to help people who could have similar problems as to those that I had in my first year at the university. Moreover, as I have been studying since for four years ago, I think my experience could be positive for giving directions, for offering advice, for helping other students. etc.

I could work evenings because I only have the lectures in the mornings, so the job would not be a problem for conflict with my studies.

Eventually, I would like to know how much I would be paid and how many hours I would be expected to work every day is on a day.

For more details, I have please see my enclosed curriculum vitae. And, If you have any questions you would like to ask me, please feel free to let me know contact me. Thanking you in advance. I look forward to hearing from you.

Yours sincerely,
Laia.

*Mejor: I am a fourth-year architecture student at the university.