Corrections · 4
This is lovely! I make a few suggestions, not to make it "logical" or "correct," but to look more closely at English idiom. I think you can write "want to" and the reader will likely hear something close to "wanna." When you write "wanna," it sounds to me like a six-year-old complaining to her mother rather than an adult expressing a beautiful vision, as you do here.
No, Sir. I didn't notice that I'm trapped in my dream universe.
I'm lost in a [it's a stronger statement to say "paradise" without "a," and I think it better reflects how strongly you imagine it!] paradise. Far from the [omit entirely, or use "my"] problems. No worries. Just happiness. I wanna/want to dance, I wanna/want to live. I'm ready to be happy.
I'm lost in a perfect spring. I've felt I've fallen/I fell asleep on the Pacific Ocean. I'm drowned by life [in life maybe? or I've been drowned by life, or I'm drowning in life] and a variety of colors. I'm ready to walk.
I'm lost in a symphony of harmony. I'm curious. I'm not able to compete. I just wanna/want to be happy and I'm ready for a new day to come.
Oh nightmares! Oh dark spirits! No more battles. The holy star will come for me!
Oh magnificent sunlight! Oh madness of the moon! The universe reflects my feelings and my deepest thoughts.
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