Impact of Family Wealth On Children's Development -- Revision

Question:

Children who are brought up in families that do not have large amounts of money are better prepared to deal with the problems of adult life than children brought up by wealthy parents.

To what extents do you agree or disagree with this opinion?

ANSWER:

Children from poor families are faced with a wide range of undeniable challenges. For this reason, they usually cannot prepare themselves for their adult lives as well as their counterparts from wealthy families do.

The most notable disadvantages of for children from poor families, is their inadequate education opportunities. In these modern times, diligence and perseverance alone are not enough for acquiring knowledge. In order to keep up with the current pace of the changes, they need to have access to the most up-to-date information. Unfortunately, their families with financial challenges cannot support them adequately in this regard. For example, their parents cannot necessarily afford their textbooks, tuition and Internet access broadband. In their adulthood, an inferior education would could be a problem for them, in terms of dealling to deal with a variety of complex challenges.

In addition, children from poorer families often do not have strong social connections. Children from wealthy families can make friends with peers of similar backgrounds from an early age. These friends can help them to deal with various challenges in adult life. However, this is not the case for children from poorer families. They may also have many friends, but their friends tend to be less helpful under these circumstances.

Some people believe children from poor families have certain advantages over their wealthier counterparts. They tend to illustrate their viewpoint by referring to stories of a few accomplished celebrities who happen to have been raised in poor families. But most of these successful individuals either have exceptional innate talents, or are particularly motivated. Therefore, they are only rare cases.

In conclusion, children from poor families are in an unfavourable position in addressing their adulthood difficulties due to their insufficient education opportunities and limited social circles.

Extremely well written. Most of my corrections were more suggestions rather than corrections, because in English you have to be quite clear in you point, unlike most Asian languages, where many people like to infer from whatever they're saying/writing. Anyways, well done!!!

REDRAFT HERE:

PLEASE IGNORE MY ORIGINAL VERSION!

Children from poor families are faced with a wide range of undeniable challenges. For this reason, they usually cannot prepare themselves for their adult lives as well as their counterparts from wealthy families do.

The most notable disadvantage of children from poor families is their inadequate education opportunities. In the modern times, diligence and perseverance alone are not enough for acquiring knowledge. In order to keep up with the current pace of the changes, they need to have access to the up-to-date information. Unfortunately, their families with financial challenges cannot support them adequately in this regard. For example, their parents cannot afford their textbooks, tuition and Internet access. In their adulthood, an inferior education would be a problem for them to deal with a variety of complex challenges.

In addition, children from poor families often do not have strong social connections. Children from wealthy families can make friends with peers of similar backgrounds from an early age. These friends can help them to deal with various challenges in adult life. However, this is not the case for children from poor families. They may also have many friends, but their friends tend to be less helpful.

Some people believe children from poor families have certain advantages over their counterparts. They tend to illustrate their viewpoint by referring to stories of a few accomplished celebrities who happen to have been raised in poor families. But most of these successful individuals either have exceptional innate talents, or are particularly motivated. Therefore, they are only rare cases.

In conclusion, children from poor families are in an unfavourable position in addressing their adulthood difficulties due to their insufficient education opportunities and limited social circles.