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Costa Rica flagKai Wei
A small poem I just wrote, hope people can check it for mistakes or make any suggestions. Why are you still hesitating? You wonder how true my heart is. Just put your ears on my chest and feel how fast my heart beats. You wonder who is in my heart. Just look deep in my eyes, you will find her there. You wonder how true my words are. It’s not enough only to hear what I’m saying, You need to feel what I’m telling. I want to hear how fast your heart beats, so I can know how you feel. I want you to show me, who is hiding in your heart. I hope that person would be me.

Corrections · 4

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A small poem I just wrote, hope people can check it for mistakes or make any suggestions.

Why are you still hesitating?

You wonder how true my heart is.
Just put place [better wording]your ears on my chest
and feel how fast my heart beats.
You wonder who is in my heart...
Just look deep into my eyes,
And you will see find her yourself there. [Using "her" can mean someone else.  Not very romantic]
You wondered how true are my words are. [poetry has a different word order than prose]
It’s not enough only to hear what I’m saying,
You need to feel my words what I’m telling. [I know you are trying to rhyme but rhyming is not everything]
I want to hear listen how fast your heart beats,
so I can know how you feel.
I want you to show me,
who is hiding in your heart.
And I hope that person would be me.

 

Here's my version on your idea and structure,

 

You wondered how true is my heart.

Then place your ears upon my chest.

Now feels how fast it beats.

Wondering who's in there?

Just look into my limpid pools

And see who's staring back!


You wondered, do my words ring true?

'tis not enough to hear its sounds.

Go ahead and feel them!

I want to hear your heart, pitter-pattering fast,

I want to hear how you feel for me.

I want you to show me who's hiding in there.

Hopefully, 'tis me!

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As with your request, I shall try translating into Chinese.  I shall try to be as simple  and literal as possible unless it is better in Chinese way of expressing things.  I invite other Chinese native speakers to join in.  Great exercise for me.  Thanks :)

 

Why are you still hesitating?  你為什么还是在遲疑?

 

You wonder how true my heart is.你还魂牽夢繞我心中 
Just place your ears on my chest  那就把耳朵放在我怀中裡
and feel how fast my heart beats. 聽聽我心跳得多快 聽聽 is better than 感覺(feel).  看看 (to see or to feel) looks too illogical in Chinese.
You wonder who is in there... 你疑是誰在那儿
Just look deep into my eyes, 當把你的視覺拋進我眼中 "When you throw your sight into my eyes" sounds better than 深深望在我眼中
And you will see yourself there. 那你就看到自已了


You wondered how true are my words are.  你还遲疑我說話是否真
It’s not enough only to hear what I’m saying, 聽我說什么是不够的
You need to feel my words what I’m telling. 你还要感受語中的意義
I want to hear listen how fast your heart beats, 我要聽到你心中有何快的跳着
so I can know how you feel.讓我才知道你对我怎样
I want you to show me,我要你給我看
who is hiding in your heart.誰在你心中藏避
And I hope that person would be me. 希望那个人就是我!

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