我即将到来的假期

大家好
我很兴奋因为二月份我的女朋友和我会回新西兰的家 
我们会在回家呆一个月
我们将参观我家的家人在新西兰南部的农场
我的家里有许多奶牛
谢谢你阅读！

What I am trying to say:
Hello Everyone,
I am excited because my girlfriend and I are going home to New Zealand in February.
We are returning home for the whole month.
We will visit my family's farm in the south of New Zealand.
My family has many dairy cows.

Thank you for reading!

我即将到来的假期

大家好
我很兴奋因为我的女朋友和我回家新西兰二月 (我很兴奋/高兴，因为二月我和我的女朋友回新西兰家里)
我们回家一个月 （我们回了一个整个月家，我们在家待了一整个月，我们回家一整个月时间）
我们将参观我的家人在新西兰南部的农场 （我们见参观我家人在新西兰南边的农场。删除“的”，可以更简练一些，当然加上去也没有错。）
我的家里有许多奶牛（我家里有许多奶牛。的字的用法与上句一样。） 
谢谢你阅读！

What I am trying to say:
Hello Everyone,
I am excited because my girlfriend and I are going home to New Zealand in February.
We are returning home for the whole month.
We will visit my family's farm in the south of New Zealand.
My family has many dairy cows.

Thank you for reading!

我即将到来的假期

大家好
我很兴奋雀躍/兴高采烈/因为在二月我的和女朋友和我回家新西兰的家鄉二月
我们回家会逗留一个月的时间
我们将参观[This means a visit as a tourist]我的会去/看看/探訪/ 在新西兰南部的家人在新西兰南部的农场 [Translation from your English.  It is better to split this into something like, 在新西兰的南部, 家人有农场, 我们会去/看看/探訪他们]
我的家里有许多奶牛
谢谢你阅读！

What I am trying to say:
Hello Everyone,
I am excited because my girlfriend and I are going home to New Zealand in February.
We are returning to my hometown [your "home" was very confusing because of your first sentence as "home" has several shades of meaning.] for the whole month.
We will visit my family's farm in the southern of New Zealand.
My family has many dairy cows.

Thank you for reading!

我即将到来的假期

大家好
我很兴奋，因为我的女朋友和我会在二月份回家新西兰的家。二月
我们回家会在家呆一个月。
我们将参观拜访我的家人在新西兰南部的农场。
我的家里有许多奶牛。
谢谢你阅读！

What I am trying to say:
Hello Everyone,
I am excited because my girlfriend and I are going home to New Zealand in February.
We are returning home for the whole month.
We will visit my family's farm in the south of New Zealand.
My family has many dairy cows.

Thank you for reading!