Please examine my essay please!

In todays' globalized society, many people believe that young people enjoy their lives more than older people. Some people have advocated that young people have a healthy body healthy bodies, so young people they can enjoy their lives (more), but I don't agree with this view. I firmly believe that old people/ or seniors can enjoy their lives. This is because young people live in have busy and hectic lifestyles.

First of all, young people waste their time trying to succeed in their field/careers, so they cannot enjoy their lives. In other words, they are so busy that they cannot take pleasure in their life. For example, a study done by the New York Times shows that young people in the modern society are suffering from various mental diseases such as depression and nervous breakdowns. This study indicates that young people are under the great stress that keeps us them from being healthy, and they don't have enough time to enjoy leisure-time activities. Thus, young people are under great stress compared to older people and do not have enough time outside of work so they cannot are uable to enjoy their lives.


In conclusion, it is my belief that old seniors are happier than young people. In summary Young people under great stress and do not have enough leisure time Hence,while older people seniors have little stress and have more free time to spend for on pleasure, so they are happier than young people.

(I just tried to make it sound more natural/formal and take out redundancies, I hope my notations are helpful!)

please examine my essay please!

In todays' globalized society, many people believe that young people enjoy their life more than older people. Some people advocate that younger people have a healthier body so they can enjoy their life, but I don't agree with this view. I firmly believe that older people can enjoy their life. This is because young people live a busy and hectic life.

First of all, young people waste their time in succeeding in their field, so they cannot enjoy their life. In other words, they are so busy that they cannot take pleasure in their life. For example, a study done by the New York times showed that young people in our modern society are suffering from various mental illnesses such as depression and nervous breakdowns. This study indicates that young people are under great stress which keeps them from being healthy as they don't have enough time to enjoy leisure-time. Thus, young people are under greater stress in comparison to old people and they do not have enough time to enjoy their life.


Im conclusion, it is my belief that old seniors are happier than young people.In summary, young people under great stress and have no enough time. Hence, old seniors have little stress and have more time to spend for pleasure so they are happier than young people