Corrections · 10
Eternal homesick
I returned home with some coins from New Zealand. Those coins will never be used again and I believe they miss being in their environment and miss the movement between Kiwi hands. Maybe they now feel homesick like I did, but now we’ve changed the roles and it's eternal for them. Maybe they now talk to each other about the old days; how they made a child happy after buying an ice-cream on a sunny day or how they were heroes of many scenarios and how people respected and kept them in secure place.
...but not anymore!
Great writing Abdulmajeed. Very few errors but try not to make your sentences too long.
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trying to write my thoughts... any correction , replace word/sentence with better/stronger one is appreciated
Eternal Homesick
I returned home with some coins from New Zealand. , those coins They will never be used again. ,I believe they miss being in their homeland environment and miss the movement between being passed among native kiwi [This is interesting as we know kiwis are from there. However, to some, this may be derogatory to some. So it is better to use something more neutral. People can be very sensitive on certain things. ]hands. maybe Perhaps, they now feel homesick like I did. ,but now we’ve Their roles are changed [It is better to use passive so as to avoid the pronouns. You changed their roles and you can be seen as the ogre for making them miserable. You don't want to cast negative light on yourself. You don't mean to.] the roles and it's eternal for them. .Maybe They now talk to each other about the old days , of how they made a child happy after buying an ice-cream in on a hot sunny day; ,how proud they were as heroes of many scenarios and how people respected were they and be kept them in secure place... ...But not anymore!
Excellent imagery. Do not leave a space before punctuations and one after. The only exceptions are those double ones such as quotes and parenthesis. "This quoted phrase is an example of how quotes and parentheses (for you to see clearly) are placed before and after spaces."
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trying to write my thoughts... any correction , replace word/sentence with better/stronger one is appreciated
Eternally homesick
I returned home with some coins from New Zealand. Those coins will never be used again. I believe they miss being in their environment and miss the movement between kiwi hands. Maybe they now feel homesick like I did do, but now we’ve changed the roles and it's eternal for them. Maybe they now talk to each other about old days and how they made a child happy after buying an ice-cream on a sunny day, or how they were heroes of many scenarios and how people respected and kept them in secure places.
...but not anymore!
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trying to write my thoughts... any correction , replace word/sentence with better/stronger one is appreciated
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