Avonakina
She’s like a moon
Which shines so bright
And decorates
A starry night.
When I see her
I lose my mind.
How could I really be
So blind?
I used to see
Her every day
But now we have
A parted way.
Our meetings are
A huge surprise:
Not in a school,
But otherwise
In a train or bus,
Outdoor sometimes.
When I am walking
On the street,
I often hope
That we will meet
Indeed…
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Corrections · 1
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Avonakina
She’s like a the moon
Which Shining [ever] so bright
And Always decorating
A [I prefer "Every" ]starry night.
Whenever I see her
I lose my mind, [but it feels so right!]
How could I really be
So blind?
I used to see
Her every day everyday
But now we have are now
A parted way so far apart.
Our meetings: are
Now a huge surprise!
Not in a school,
But otherwise
In a train or a bus...
Outdoor sometimes,
When I am go a walking
On the street,
I often hope
That we will meet
Indeed…
Feelings spoken from the heart are always impressive. Great work! Some very minor errors in using articles; otherwise just beefing and polishing your words. Love will make poets even out of turnips :)
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