1)everyone could mean 人人。but in your case,everyone is not the everyone-in-the-house's everyone,which means every single person.u wanna mean all the people. so you should say 大家。hello everyone=大家好。
2）I began learning Chinese several weeks ago.我 开始 学习 中文 几周（几个星期） 前。=我几个星期前开始学习中文。
3）我的朋友常问我中文难不难。 This is very good! you did a great job on"难不难". and it'll be better if you add "学" in the end.actually your friends ask u if chinese is hard to learn. chinese is a language,and itself doesn't have the easy or hard characteristic.
4)really = 很  我说中文很难学，但是我很喜欢。 you can'n use 镇 to describe,it's a noun、verb,but we don't use it as a adj anymore. you could say真.
5)We live in Hawaii. We came to Hawaii 3 months ago.我们住在夏威夷。我们是3个月前搬来的。
6）I work there because really like technology. 我 工作 那里 因为 真的 喜欢 科技= 我在那里工作是因为我真的喜欢科技。
7）"in fact".you think that's 其实。but i think it'll be better if you say事实上。because there's no but.其实means but. i thought you're american,其实you are english.
8)I can't wait! 我 不能 等= i can't wait any longer=我等不及了。

anyway. good jod. and hope you learn it better and better. best wishes.

Please help me correct this.

Hello everyone. I know Chinese is really poor. I'm trying to improve it by practicing but I'm a long ways away. Can you help me correct this? Thank you.

I want to say this:

Hello Everyone. My name is Michael. I began learning Chinese several weeks ago. My friends ask me if it's hard. I say that Chinese is hare, but I really like it. My wife is name Karla. We live in Hawaii. We came to Hawaii 3 months ago. She is a doctor. I work in a computer store. I work there because really like technology. In fact, next week I'm going to buy an iPhone. I can't wait!

This is how I wrote it in Chinese.

你好人人。我叫michael。几个星期学了中文。我的朋友常问我中文难不难。我说中文难可是我真的很喜欢。

我的太太叫Karla。我们在夏威夷住了三个月了。

我太太是大夫。我在电脑商店工作。我在商店喜欢工作可是我真喜欢技术。其实我下周会买iphone。我等不及了！


If you think I need to know why a particular word/phrase was incorrect, please let me know.

Hello Everyone. My name is Michael. I began learning Chinese several weeks ago. My friends ask me if it's hard. I say that Chinese is hare, but I really like it. My wife is name Karla. We live in Hawaii. We came to Hawaii 3 months ago. She is a doctor. I work in a computer store. I work there because really like technology. In fact, next week I'm going to buy an iPhone. I can't wait!

This is how I wrote it in Chinese.

大家好！我叫迈克尔。几个星期前我开始学中文。我的朋友问我中文难不难学。我说难学，但是我喜欢。我的太太叫卡尔拉，她是一名医生。我们住在夏威夷。我们是三个月前来到夏威夷的。我在电脑商店工作。我在那里工作是因为我真的喜欢技术工作。其实下周我会买iphone。我等不及啦！