First notebook entry: Introducing myself

Do you see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes love. As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds. This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love; they try to possess it, they demand it, they expect it. And, just like the water spilling out of your hand, love will retrieve it from you.

Verbs of perception like "see", "hear", "listen", etc, are usually accompanied by the modal "can", or at least this is what we are taught at school. The first correction below  - which seems to have been posted by a native speaker - doesn't mention this option, but I still believe that the correct form should be "CAN YOU SEE THIS WATER...".
Of course, in case it is a poem, it doesn't need to be corrected at all. My correction just attempted to explain the use of modals in proper grammar, in order to make 掩飾悲傷涵 learn the right way of speaking and writing, besides poetical formulae which could potentially lead her astray at the beginning of the learning process.

If Bart says this is a "poem", I shall not correct it either.  However, I believe this is a wrong metaphor of having water on your palms symbolizes love.  Maybe, transient love.  For even with the greatest care and allowing it to remain, sooner or later, it will be all evaporated or even the person whose palm is out will wipe if dry after awhile.  So it's more like a quickie sex than eternal love.  Not practical at all.  How can you love when there is no love there in the first place?

First notebook entry: Introducing myself

You see this water carefully contained on my hand? It symbolizes Love. As long as you keep your hand caringly open and allow it to remain there, it will always be there. However, if you attempt to close your fingers around it and try to posses it, it will spill through the first cracks it finds.This is the greatest mistake that people do when they meet love… They try to posses it, they demand, they expect… and just like the water spillin out of your hand, Love will retrieve from you.