Dear my My dear friends.

Hi Siniba and Mylan.

I am Daniel. Do you remember me....still even now?
Oh~sorry. It takes a long time sending for me to send a letter today these days.
Chloe and I arrived to in Sydney well safely.
Chloe is stuying studying well in at the university well.

First time.. At first, her English was the lowest in her class.
But Now, every all her friends of at her uni are suplised surprised.
She is getting better.

And.. I am living with 2 more Koreans in our house now.
One is nursse nurse and the other is a classmate of Chloe.
Oh!! I have good news.
I got a job in an apparel company like I had in Korea.
It's so good for me.
Before, I had worried about my carrier career.
Do you knoe know OOO? That brand is for ladies.
Everything is for...ladies...not me.
Shit!!
Haha..  
Don't worry. OOO is so awful.
Don't buy this brand. Zara is much better.
After we go back to Korea, maybe I can work for that fashion brand.

I am really missing my Australian mum siniba and australia sister mylan.
How about is Mr. Steven?

I am sanding sending this letter with small Korean suviniors souvenirs.
I hope you guys be are happy.

I am sure Brisbane is much better than here.
Don't move in to Sydney.
If we can live in austlaria Australia, we want to go back there to Brisbane.

Plz Please say hello to Steven. mylan's familly. 
Oh~~ Don't forget about Wesley friends.

Thank you for reading this and missing us.
We are also really missing you guys.
Take care.
I will send letters again.
Thank you.

I tried not to change it too much. You did not need to mention Siniba and Mylan when saying that you missed them because you addressed them in the beginning. They will know that you are speaking of them.

delete

correct

alternative

Dear my friends

Hi, Siniba and Mylan!

I am Daniel. Do you still remember me....still now?
Oh~I'm sorry. I it takes such a long time to sending a letter today.

Chloe and I arrived in to Sydney safely. well.
Chloe is studying well in college. in university well.

At F first, time..
H her English was the lowest in her class.
But now, every all of her friends of at her university are suplised surprised.
She is getting better.

And..I We are living with 2 more Koreans in our house now.
One is a nursse.
The other is classmate of Chloe's.
Oh!! I have good news.
I got a job in at an apparel company like I had in_Korea.
It's so good for me.
Before, I was worried about my carrier career.
Do you knowe the brand OOO? That brand is for ladies.
Everything is for...ladies...not me.
Shit!!
Haha...
Don't worry._OOO is so awful.
Don't buy this_brand. Zara is much better.
After we go back to Korea, maybe I can work for that fashion brand.

I am really missing my Australian mum Siniba and my Australian sister Mylan.
How about is Mr._ Steven?

I am sending this letter with some small Korean souvenirs.
I hope you guys be are happy.

I am sure Brisbane is much better than here.
Don't move in to Sydney.
If we can continue to live in Australia, austlaria' we want to go back there.

Plz Please say hello to Steven and Mylan's familly family.
Oh~~ Don't forget to say hello to Wesley, too friends.

Thank you for reading this and for missing us.
We are also really miss you guys.
Take care.
I will send letters again.
thank you.

Dear Siniba and Mylan,

     This is Daniel Kwon. Do you still remember me? I'm sorry that it takes such a long time for me to send a letter.

     Chole and I arrived in Sydney safely. I'm sure Brisbane is much better than here, though. Don't move to Sydney. I we continue to live in Australia, we want to go back there.

     Chole is studying well in college. At first, her English was the lowest in her class. But now all of her friends at her university are surprised at her progress. She is getting better.

     We are living with two more Koreans in our house now. One is a nurse, and the other is a classmate of Chole's. Oh! I have good news! I got a job at an apparel company like the one I had in Korea. It's really good for me. Before I got the job, I was worried about my career. Do you know the brand OOO? It's a ladies brand. Everything is for ladies... not me. Shit! Haha. Don't worry about me, though. OOO is an awful brand. Don't buy it. Zara is much better. After we go back to Korea, maybe I can work for them.

     I am really missing my Australian mum, Siniba and my Australian sister, Mylan. How is Mr. Steven? Please say hello to him and Mylan's family. Don't forget to say hello to Wesley, too.

     I am sending this letter with some small Korean souvenirs. I hope you guys like them.

     Thank you for reading this and for missing us. We really miss you guys, too. Take care. I will send letters again.

Your friend,

Daniel Kwon

Well done, my friend! The alternative edit is re-arranged a little and combines a few of the smaller sentences to make the English sound more natural. However, I would send the letter with Angela's corrections, because it still sounds like the letter is coming from you.

Question 1: Is the name "Steven" a surname or family name? If it's a surname, delete "Mr." If it's a family name, be sure it's Mr. Steven and not Mr. Stevens.

Question 2: In "friends of her uni," is uni = university or 언니? If it's 언니, our corrections are wrong. lol!

Also, don't forget that my corrections are American English so "going to university" = "going to college."