It is spelled THOSE. Try to write less in the negavitive. example: you wrote "There never lacks examples"  instead say: There are many examples. Surely there are examples where students are not lured into traps by pyramid schemes.  Make sure to read the parentheses. 

       It is common for teenagers to long for for financial independence from their parents. When they are accepted into a college and live separately, this desire for autonomy can be applied toward a part-time job. To me, (there is a tradeoff),  where the costs of a part-time work outweigh the benefits.
     Students who are transitioning to a new school,  can easily to be enticed by deceptive advertisements, often jumping into traps set by unethical profit-oriented companies. There are many examples of students being cheated by part-time agencies (What examples?). In addition, students oftentimes give priority to part-time work, which can trigger catastrophic results with respect to their academic endeavors. With underdeveloped time management skills and a desire to make more money,  these students are more likely to distract themselves from there studies. Moreover, a part-time job can paves the way towards a decadant and unsustainable lifestyle. Students who seldomly practice self-control, have no idea of how to budget their money and often end up broke or in debt at one point or another. They covet things outside of their reach to compete with trends around them (In America, this is called keeping up with the Jones). Considering all these negative effects and tendencies associated with students who jump into part-time wrok too early, students should wait to start working, because at that age, actual financial independence is a lofty goal that is unrealisitc that requires a a great amount of discipline. 

My homework, pls help me to correct it. it's only a homework:)

It is common for teenagers to long for financial independence from their parents. So once they get into the college and live separately, this desire would be applied into wanting a part-time job. To me, the disadvantages of a part-time job outweigh the advantages.
Students, espacially those who are new in school are easily to be blinded by those deceptive advertisements and jump into the traps set by those profit-oriented companies. Examples are never lacking of students being cheated by part-time agencies. Besides, some of the students give priority to a part-time job, which could finally lead to a catastrophic result in their study. The ignorance of budget time Bad time-keeping and the desire for more money will always distract the students from their study. What's more, a part-time job sometimes paves the way to decadence. Some of the students sho seldom have self-control and have no idea of how to use their money effectively would easily go rotten. They would pursue things beyond their reach to compete with others in material.
Considering all these nagtive negative effects of part-time jobs, students should do the right thing at the right time instead of chasing the unrealistic financial independence.

If you want me to explain anything which I have corrected/left alone, ask me :)