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toefl independent essay, day 5 Could you please correct my essay? :) Question Grades encourage students to work harder at school. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion. Essay In my opinion, it is critically important to gain marks for school assignments to correct mistakes and improve your knowledge. I strongly believe, that grades can motivate children to become more diligent and nerdy. I will explore the reasons in the following essay. First of all, due to comparing marks with each other, pupils can learn in a competition way. It is always a pleasure to feel more clever than anyone else. My own experience demonstrates this reality. Five years ago, when I have studied in the eleventh grade, I had a row with my classmate. She claimed that she is better than I in every subject at school. As I was a clever and hard-working student, I started reading specific literature to gain an extra mark. Soon my grade average point became much better than her. I was proud of myself and earned a scholarship in an international summer school. This example demonstrates, how an improving of your grades can be a competition. Secondly, because of the feedback, giving by your teacher with a mark, your weaknesses can be easily determined and you receive the opportunity to improve your knowledge in the particular subject. Studying harder topics which you can not stand before is helpful to pass exams and reduce the number of mistakes in next assignments. For instance, once I had a C grade in my training test in mathematics, which I never received before. I was so self-confident in technical subjects, so I was absolutely shocked with this situation. At the beginning, I thought that it is a mistake, but when I saw my assignment with teacher’s correction, I suddenly realised that I need to study more and gain knowledge in statistics to pass an important exam. That is why I began to learn mathematics and found the tutor. As a result, I have passed the final exam with the excellent mark and was invited to the top-ranked university. This example illustrates how important it is to gain a feedback for every of your assignments. In conclusion, I believe, that marks can inspire students to study better. This is because of a competition part of learning and receiving helpful corrections.

Corrections · 2

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toefl independent essay, day 5

Could you please correct my essay? :)
Question

Grades encourage students to work harder at school. Do you agree or disagree? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Essay

In my opinion, it is critically important to gain marks for students to receive grades for school assignments in order to correct their mistakes and improve your their knowledge. I strongly believe, that grades can motivate children students to become more diligent and nerdy academically focused [nerdy is a slang word and somewhat negative in meaning]. I will explore the reasons in the following essay.

First of all, due to by comparing marks with each other, pupils can learn in a competition way. It is always a pleasure to feel more clever intelligent than anyone else. My own experience demonstrates this in reality. Five years ago, when I have studied in the eleventh grade, I had a row with my classmate. She claimed that she is better than I in every subject at school. As I was a clever and hard-working student, I started reading specific relevant literature to gain an extra marks. Soon my grade average point became much better than her's. I was proud of myself and earned a scholarship in to an international summer school. This example demonstrates, how an improving of your grades can be a competition.

Secondly, because of the feedback, giving given by your teacher with a mark grade, your weaknesses can be easily determined and you receive the opportunity to improve your knowledge in the particular subject. Studying harder topics which you can not stand before is helpful to pass exams and reduce the number of mistakes in next assignments. For instance, once I had a C grade in my training test in mathematics, which I never received before. I was had been so very self-confident in technical subjects, so I was absolutely shocked with this situation. At the beginning, I thought that it is a mistake, but when I saw my assignment with teacher’s correction, I suddenly realised that I need to study more and gain knowledge in statistics to pass an important exam. That is why I began to learn mathematics and found the a tutor. [1] As a result, I have passed the final exam with the an excellent mark and was invited to the a top-ranked university. This example illustrates how important it is to gain a feedback for every one of your assignments.

In conclusion, I believe, that marks grades can inspire students to study better more. I believe this because grades promote a sense of competition around learning This is because of a competition part of learning and additionally when receiving grades students also receive helpful corrections. [Just a suggested rewrite here, what you wrote made sense.]

[1] Regarding a/the - if the reader already knows about the tutor you can use "the" (For example: "Today I saw the tutor, who I told you about earlier."), but if the tutor is unknown to the reader it should be "a" (For example: "I started to see a tutor.")


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