Some thing can't be avoid
I felt hart-broken
I don't want this kind of conversation in numb without love.
We are in ego to protect our self-esteem and hurt each other.
We pretending to be strong, and walk away seems nothing,
But the sorrow is still there.
Like we kill an elephant in a room and then open the TV or make some food to eat but ignore the blood is already flowing to the outside.
If I didn't write down this word,
I can not breathe.
Today's morning I go out to walk and felt be present and joyful.
But when I try to walk into the apartment, I didn't move.
Back home seems back to a battlefield, It means of tension and pushes me to move on.
I would like to hang around under the sky even there is raining today.
The heart of love is so important but has been frozen in the relationship when we are talking.
Gosh, I can not hurt myself this way!
I'll try it.
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Corrections · 5
1
You have some fantastic, very moving imagery here. You can feel the pain. Because it is poetry, you can break some punctuation rules, to accent meaning. You do not have to create perfect sentences. There are some words typically used together, and verb tenses, that I corrected for you These are just suggestions, you are doing great.
Some things can't be avoid
I feel heart-broken
I don't want this kind of conversation to be numb. Without love.
We have our egos to protect our self-esteem and we hurt each other.
We pretend to be strong, and walk away as if it is nothing,
But the sorrow is still there.
We kill the elephant in the room and then turn on the TV or make some food to eat but ignore that the blood is already flowing to the outside. to the floor/ on the floor (that is really fantastic, by the way)
If I didn't write down these words,
I could not breathe.
This morning I went for a walk and felt present and joyful.
But when I tried to walk into the apartment, I didn't move.
Back home seems to be a battlefield, The tension pushes me to move on.
I would like to hang around under the sky even though it is raining today.
(You could say:" I want to stay outside. Under the sky. In the rain." Poetry allows sentence fragments/ incomplete sentences.)
The heart of love is so important but has been frozen in the relationship when we are talking.
Gosh, I can not hurt myself this way!
I'll try it.
The imagery is a heart, the center of everything important about love, freezes. When that happens you cannot love again. I would say it is frozen over the relationship, or because of the relationship.
A beating heart signifies life, but a frozen heart signifies cold, no feelings and definitely no love.
The meaning of the last three lines is a little confusing. I hope you never hurt yourself over a relationship, it is not worth it! But I don't understand what you want to try. I hope you mean, "I cannot continue feeling this way," I want to try...love again?
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Some thing can't be avoid
I felt hart heart-broken
I don't want this kind of conversation in to feel numb without love.
We are in our egos to protect our self-esteem and hurt each other.
We pretending to be strong, and walking away seems nothing,
But the sorrow is still there.
Like we kill an the elephant in a the room and then open turn on the TV or make some food to eat but ignore the blood is already flowing to the outside.
If I didn't write down this word,
I can not breathe.
But when I try to walk into the apartment, I didn't move.
Back home seems back to a battlefield, It means of tension and pushes me to move on.
I would like to hang around under the sky even if there is raining today.
The heart of love is so important but has been frozen in the relationship when we are talking.
Gosh, I can not hurt myself this way!
I'll try it.
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