Search from various English teachers...
Argentina flagSofi H
Rebecca and the narrator THANKS IN ADVANCE Can you turn this paragraph into a spellbinding one that make my readers drool? When the narrator was introducing the beginning of a story with Manderly as part as a central conflict, she described herself as a dull woman. In the first chapter, she wrote about her past, when she was a young and shy girl at Monte Carlo who was working as Mrs Van Hopper companion. Thus, she met Max. They started to meet up together. As they were hanging out, she was urging to keep those romantic memories. She is falling in love regardless of her age and of the fact that she only knows a few things about that man, that's like "a drop in the ocean" compared to what she should know about him. Then, I think she is naive and a bit clumsy.

Corrections · 9

1
Rebecca and the narrator

THANKS IN ADVANCE
Can you turn this paragraph into a spellbinding one that make my readers drool?

When the narrator introduced (this was not a repetitive action, she introduced once and then finished) the beginning of a story with Manderly as part of a central conflict, she described herself as a dull woman. In the first chapter, she wrote about her past, when she was a young and shy girl at Monte Carlo who was working as Mrs Van Hopper’s companion. Thus, she met Max. They started to meet up together. As they were hanging out, she was urging to keep those romantic memories. (‘meet up’ and ‘hanging out ‘ are a bit colloquial (slang) for this style of writing. Perhaps - They started to meet each other and as they got to know each other she developed more romantic feelings towards him.). She was (Past tense) falling in love regardless of her age and of the fact that she only knew a few things about him, that's like "a drop in the ocean" compared to what she should know about him. Then, I think she was naive and a bit clumsy. (‘That man’ Can sound a bit negative)
1
Rebecca and the narrator

THANKS IN ADVANCE
Can you turn this paragraph into a spellbinding one that will make my readers drool? :-D

When the narrator was introducing the beginning of a story with Manderly as part of the central conflict, she described herself as a dull woman. In the first chapter, she wrote about her past, when she was a young and shy girl at Monte Carlo, working as Mrs Van Hopper's companion [I'm not sure what you mean here... working as a companion doesn't seem like a typical job]. Thus, she met Max ["Thus" is used to introduce a conclusion. Not sure how meeting Max flows from her working for Mrs Van Hopper. Maybe "Through her work, she met Max." Or "In Monte Carlo, she met Max"]. They started to meet up together. As they were hanging out, she was urging to keep those romantic memories [She was desperate to keep memories that she already had of him? Or to make new memories? Perhaps "She was desperate to get to know Max romantically".] She was falling in love regardless not only of her age but also and of the fact that she only knew a few things about that man––a drop in the ocean compared to what she should wanted to know about him. Then, I think she is naive and a bit clumsy.

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today