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Please correct this short story I'm going to tell you the real story about my cousin's daughter "Hilla ". I named it :"I am just 6. " It will be great if you tell me my mistakes during reading it. I hope it can make you smile.😊 -- Hilla has always wanted to have a duck to decline loneliness. being only child was so lame or tedious. I've heard several times that she said:" I would buy a beautiful and special duck with the love at sight ". I didn't know what she really meant as 6-year-old girl! After a few months her father bought one yellow duck. firstly, her mother sterilized that poor bird, because of corona virus outbreak, then dried it with hair dryer! All in all, Hilla ended up touching her fragile bird which was one of her dreams after a long time. it took a few days that duck got used to following her on balcony. it was The brilliant part of this friendship to Hilla. She had a friend. he was 2 years younger than her. his name was Radvin. The cute boy Full of energy and quit mischievous. One day he came out of the wood work and came Hilla's to play with her and innocent duck. On the spur of the moment during playing, Radvin threw the cushion on the duck and Its leg was broken! To sum up, Hilla's parents found that she was really desperate and mopey because her duck was not able to follow her any more. Parents tried to find a vet, but all their clinics were shot down due to Covied – 19. his father ended up going to the bird store and changed it with new one, with same color and size. they were supposed to tell Hilla that her duck is healing. After a few days his father came home with new one or " healed duck! ". Her innocent eyes started to get bright! Everything was going well until one morning when she started screaming and shouting! Parents ran toward her room and asked " what's wrong with you ?!" she threw that bird and cried out: " that's not mine! that's not my first duck!" Parents were astonished and silent for a few second! unfortunately they couldn't get away with that. his father with iffy voice whispered: " what made you think like that?" Hilla said:" its eyes are not as big as previous one. the look on its face is vastly distinct!" They made a point to sympathize with her and said " if it's any consolation, this duck was sick and it takes time to every ting will be ok again! " She had another reason that parents had totally forgotten to consider. it t was:" this duck does not follow me at all! ".

Corrections · 11

1
I'm going to tell you the real a true story about my cousin's daughter, "Hilla ". I named titled it :"I am just 6. "
It will would be great if you were to tell me my mistakes during while reading it. I hope it can make makes you smile.😊

Hilla has had always wanted to have a duck to decline assuage her loneliness. Being an only child was so lame or and tedious.

I've heard the story told several many* times that of how she said would say*:" I would buy a beautiful and special duck, one with whom it's love at first sight with the love at sight ".

I didn't know what that she really meant it, since she was just a six-year-old girl! *

After a few months her father bought one a yellow duck. firstly Right away, her mother sterilized* that poor bird, because of as a precaution against the coronavirus outbreak, and then dried it with a hair dryer!

All in all, Hilla ended up touching bonding with (?) her fragile bird, which was had been one of her dreams after for a long time. It took a few days for that duck got to get used to following her onto the balcony. It was the brilliant part of this friendship to with Hilla. *

Now, Hilla had a friend he who was two years younger than her. His name was Radvin. The He was a cute boy, full of energy and quite mischievous.

One day, he came out of the wood work and out of the blue,* he came to Hilla's to play with her and her innocent duck.

On the spur of the moment, during while they were playing, Radvin threw the a cushion on the duck and its leg was got* broken! To sum up, Hilla's parents found that she was really desperate upset and mopey, because her duck was not able to follow her anymore.

The parents tried to find a vet, but all the clinics were shot shut down due to Covid-19. Her father ended up going to the bird store and changed it with exchanged it for a new one with of the same color and size. They were supposed to going to* tell Hilla that her duck is was away healing.

After a few days her father came home with the new, one or rather* " healed", duck.

Her innocent eyes started to get bright brightened!

Everything was going well until one morning when she started screaming and shouting.

Her parents ran toward her room and asked, " What's wrong with you ?!"

She threw that the bird at them and cried out: " That's not mine! That's not my first duck!"

Her parents were astonished and silent for a few seconds. Unfortunately, they couldn't get away with that. Her father, with iffy in a hesitant voice, whispered: " What made makes you think like that?"

Hilla said:" Its eyes are not as big as the eyes of the first previous one. The look on its face is very different vastly distinct!"

They made a point to sympathize with her and said, " If it's any consolation, this duck was sick and it takes time to every ting will be a while before everything will be ok again! "

But she had another reason that her parents had totally forgotten to consider: " This duck does not follow me at all!"

  • "Several times" is not wrong, but it is a little too precise-sounding for this sort of humorous story.
  • I changed "said" to "would say", to suggest a repeated action (Hilla's wish for a duck). Maybe it's not strictly true, but it suits the storytelling mood
  • Had to make a guess at your meaning here
  • Might want to explain how she sterilized it ("by bathing it in rubbing alcohol"?) or just say that she "thoroughly cleaned" the duck, because "sterilize" is also the verb for the surgical operation performed on animals to render them sterile, unable to reproduce
  • Sorry, I'm a little fuzzy on the meaning of this last sentence. "Brilliant" in American English usually suggests something clever - was it clever of the duck to accompany Hilla onto the balcony? If so, then maybe the duck learned to do this, rather than merely "getting used to" it? In British English, "brilliant" is often used in a slangy way to mean "awesome", "amazing", "fantastic" or "cool". If this is what you were wanting to say, it might be good to use the superlative: "That was the most brilliant part of their friendship..."
  • Changed to another "out of" idiom: "out of the blue" means suddenly, unexpectedly. "Out of the woodwork" is also a sudden and/or unexpected event, but it usually refers to someone or something unpleasant suddenly appearing - like bugs crawling out of rotten woodwork. While his subsequent behavior puts him in a bad light, he doesn't seem to deserve this description yet!
  • Changed "was broken" to "got broken" to emphasize that the leg was broken as a direct result of Radvin's cushion toss
  • "Going to" meaning "planning to" here. "Supposed to" suggests that they were acting on someone else's strong advice or orders, but I'm guessing this was a plan the parents devised themselves
  • Put this "rather" in as a jokey way for the writer to collude with the parents, as if to say, "Ha! I just said 'new', which we know is true, but then I remembered that I had better play along and call it 'healed'".
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Hilla has always wanted to have a duck to decline (reduce is more appropriate in this case) loneliness. Being an only child was so lame or tedious.
I've heard several times that she said her saying:" I would buy a beautiful and special duck with the love at sight ".
I didn't know what she really meant, her being a 6-year-old girl!
After a few months her father bought one yellow duck. Firstly, her mother sterilized that poor bird, because of the corona virus outbreak, then dried it with a hair dryer!
All in all, Hilla ended up touching her fragile bird which was one of her dreams after a long time. It took a few days until that duck got used to following her on the balcony. It was The a brilliant part of this friendship to Hilla.
She had a friend. He was 2 years younger than her. His name was Radvin. The cute boy full of energy and quite mischievous.
One day he came out of the woodwork and came round to Hilla's to play with her and the innocent duck.
On the spur of the moment, during while playing (or during playtime), Radvin threw the cushion on the duck and broke its leg was broken!
To sum up, Hilla's parents found that she was really desperate and mopey because her duck was not able to follow her any more.
Parents tried to find a vet, but all their clinics were shot shut down due to Covid – 19. His father ended up going to the bird store and changed (or replaced) it with a new one, with same color and size. They were supposed to tell Hilla that her duck is healing.
After a few days his father came home with the new one or the so-called " healed duck! ".
Her innocent eyes started to get brighter!
Everything was going well until one morning, when she started screaming and shouting!
Parents ran toward her room and asked " what's wrong with you ?!"
She threw that bird and cried out: " that's not mine! that's not my first duck!"
Parents were astonished and silent for a few seconds! Unfortunately, they couldn't get away with that. His father with an iffy voice whispered: " what made you think like that?"
Hilla said:" its eyes are not as big as the previous one's. The look on its face is vastly distinct!"
They made a point to sympathize with her and said " if it's any consolation, this duck was sick and it takes time to for everything will to be ok again! "
She had another reason that her parents had totally forgotten to consider. It was:" this duck does not follow me at all! ".

Quite a sad story that is, Ghazal - but definitely interesting. Good choice of words - your vocabulary is impressive. Keep it up! If anything, you should pay attention to the usage of articles "the" and "a/an". We use "the" for subjects that are already known/have been mentioned before. For example: It took a few days until that duck got used to following her on the balcony -- the balcony is Hilla's and we know that - it's a fact. Now, if you say "a balcony" instead, it would mean that something took place on any balcony - no idea whose though (the subject is unknown/abstract).

All the best with your studying :)
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I'm going to tell you the real story about my cousin's daughter "Hilla ". I named it: "I am 6. " It will be great if you tell me about my mistakes during reading it. I hope it can make you smile.😊 -- Hilla has always wanted to have a duck to decline loneliness. being an only child was so lame or tedious. I've heard several times that she said:" I would buy a beautiful and special duck with the love at sight ". I didn't know what she meant as a 6-year-old girl! After a few months, her father bought one yellow duck. ! All in all, Hilla ended up touching her fragile bird which was one of her dreams after a long time. it took a few days that duck got used to following her on the balcony. it was The brilliant part of this friendship to Hilla. She had a friend. he was 2 years younger than her. His name was Radvin. The cute boy was Full of energy and quite mischievous. One day he came out of the woodwork and came Hilla's to play with her and innocent duck. On the spur of the moment during playing, Radvin threw the cushion on the duck and Its leg was broken! To sum up, Hilla's parents found that she was desperate and mopey because her duck was not able to follow her anymore. Parents tried to find a vet, but all their clinics were shut down due to Covid – 19. his father ended up going to the bird store and changed it with a new one, with the same color and size. they were supposed to tell Hilla that her duck is healing. After a few days, his father came home with a new one or " healed duck! ". Her innocent eyes started to get bright! Everything was going well until one morning when she started screaming and shouting! Parents ran toward her room and asked " what's wrong with you ?!" she threw that bird and cried out: " that's not mine! that's not my first duck!" Parents were astonished and silent for a few seconds! unfortunately, they couldn't get away with that. his father with iffy voice whispered: " what made you think like that?" Hilla said:" its eyes are not as big as the previous one. the look on its face is distinct!" They made a point to sympathize with her and said " if it's any consolation, this duck was sick and it takes time to every ting will be ok again! " She had another reason that parents had forgotten to consider. it t was:" this duck does not follow me at all! ".

I have corrected it, but if there is any mistakes in this please correct them for me.(for native English person)

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