I would be very glad if you could correct my essay !!
TAXES ON UNHEALTHY FOOD
While a large number of people in underdeveloped countries has still been suffering from famine, over the last decades obesity in wealthy countries has been steadily increasing. Even though not anyone agrees, I personally believe that in order to solve the problem of obesity in wealthy country the government should increase tax on unhealthy food.
One of the main reasons is the fact that the abuse of unhealthy food may cause the rise of serious illnesses. In order to prevent this, government should consider surging the prices of unhealthy food so that people can no longer afford them and choose healthy food instead. Moreover, there should be more campaign against fast food, sugary drinks or confectionaries so as to make people aware of the problem.
In addiction to this, unhealthy food is dangerous for the environment. In support of this, it should be remembered that the large amount of meet needed in fast-food chains is one of the main causes of environmental pollution. Moreover, animals are treated cruelly and forced to gain weight in order to produce more milk or to have more meat to be sold.
Furthermore, increasing taxes on dangerous products has been successful previously with different products, such as cigarettes. It has been proved that a smaller number of people has been smoking now than in the past. Beside the campaigns and advertisements against smoke, the success in reducing the amount of smoking-addicted people has been caused by the great surge of cigarette prices.
Clearly many people believe that the increase of taxes of unhealthy food limits their freedom and so are unwilling to accept it. Obviously, a great number of people are used to regularly consuming them, but I personally believe that if the companies stopped to promote this kind of products, they would easily choose something else.
To sum up, taxes on unhealthy food may bring to more wisely choices in buying products. However, healthy food should be less expensive, so as to be more competitive in the market.
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Corrections · 4
1
I would be very glad if you could correct my essay !!
TAXES ON UNHEALTHY FOOD
While a large number of people in underdeveloped countries has still been suffering from famine, over the last decades obesity in wealthy countries has been steadily increasing. Even though not anyone agrees, I personally believe that in order to solve the problem of obesity in wealthy country the government should increase tax on unhealthy food.
One of the main reasons is the fact that the abuse of unhealthy food may cause the rise of serious illnesses. In order to prevent this, government should consider surging the prices of unhealthy food so that people can no longer afford them and choose healthy food instead. Moreover, there should be more campaign against fast food, sugary drinks or confectioneries so as to make people aware of the problem.
In addiction to this, unhealthy food is dangerous for the environment. In support of this, it should be remembered that the large amount of meat needed in fast-food chains is one of the main causes of environmental pollution. Moreover, animals are treated cruelly and forced to gain weight in order to produce more milk or to have more meat to be sold.
Furthermore, increasing taxes on dangerous products has been successful previously with different products, such as cigarettes. It has been proved that a smaller number of people has been smoking now than in the past. Beside the campaigns and advertisements against smoke, the success in reducing the amount of nicotine-addicted people has been caused by the great surge of cigarette prices.
Clearly many people believe that the increase of taxes of unhealthy food limits their freedom and so are unwilling to accept it. Obviously, a great number of people are used to regularly consuming them, but I personally believe that if the companies stopped to promote this kind of products, they would easily choose something else.
To sum up, taxes on unhealthy food may lead to more wise choices in buying products. However, healthy food should be less expensive, so as to be more competitive in the market.
1
I would be very glad if you could correct my essay !!
TAXES ON UNHEALTHY FOOD
While a large number of people in underdeveloped countries suffer has still been suffering from famine, over the last decades obesity in wealthy countries has been steadily increasing. Even though not anyone agrees, I personally believe that in order to solve the problem of obesity in wealthy countries, country governments should increase tax the purchase of unhealthy foods.
First, One of the main reasons is the fact that the abuse the consumption of unhealthy foods may cause the rise of serious illnesses. For example, carbonated drinks and snack foods that are high in sugar have been linked to diabetes. In order to prevent this, governments should consider surging increase the prices of unhealthy food through taxation. Accordingly, the price of healthy food and unhealthy food would be comparable and people might choose healthy food instead.
Second, Moreover, there should be a more campaign against fast food, sugary drinks or confectionaries so as to make people aware of the problem. You need an example here.
Third, unhealthy food is dangerous for the environment. For example, In support of this, it should be remembered that the large amount of meet meat needed in fast-food chains is one of the main causes of environmental pollution because the animal waste enters streams and rivers. Moreover, animals are treated cruelly and forced to gain weight in order to produce more milk or to have more meat to be sold [This phrase sounds odd in American English].
Fourth, increasing taxes on dangerous products has been successful previously with different products, in reducing the consumption of cigarettes. It has been proven that a smaller number of people has been smoke today compared to the recent past. Beside the campaigns and advertisements against smoking, the success in reducing the amount of smoking-addicted people has been caused by the great surge in cigarette prices.
Clearly many people believe that the increase of taxes of unhealthy food limits their freedom and so are unwilling to accept it. Obviously, a great number of people are used to regularly consuming them, but I personally believe that if the companies stopped to promote this kind of products, they would easily choose something else.
Finally, taxes on unhealthy food may bring to more wiser ly choices in buying products. However, healthy food should be less expensive, so as to be more competitive in the market. [You can't introduce a new concept in the conclusion]. Taxing unhealthy foods will reduce illnesses like diabetes. There should be a campaign promoting healthy eating. Unhealthy foods harm the environment. In summary, taxing unhealthy foods would reduce illnesses like diabetes and be good for the environment. [This is a sample of how a conclusion looks like - Try to play with this paragraph so it looks like your essay.]
[Using a lot of "furthermore" and "moreover" can make the essay very rambling. Direct language, like "first" or "second" is stronger. Overall, Good Job!
1
I would be very glad if you could correct my essay !!
TAXES ON UNHEALTHY FOOD
While a large number of people in underdeveloped countries has are still been suffering from famine (or: have still been suffering from), over the last decades obesity in wealthy countries has been steadily increasing steadily (use the adverb at the end) . Even though not anyone everyone agrees, I personally believe that in order to solve the problem of obesity in wealthy country the government should increase tax on unhealthy food.
One of the main reasons is the fact that the abuse of unhealthy food may cause the rise of serious illnesses. In order to prevent this, government should consider surging increasing the prices of unhealthy food so that people can no longer afford them (or you could say: people can afford them less often) and choose healthy food instead. Moreover, there should be more campaigns against fast food, sugary drinks or confectionaries so as to make people aware of the problem.
In addiction addition to this, unhealthy food is dangerous for the environment. In support of this (this is not an expression you use in English) It should be remembered (not a good idea to use passive here: It is essential to remember/keep in mind) that the large amount of meet meat needed in fast-food chains is one of the main causes of environmental pollution. Moreover, animals are treated cruelly and forced to gain weight in order to produce more milk or to have more meat to be sold.
Furthermore, increasing taxes on dangerous products has been successful previously with different products (to avoid the repetition of “products” you can use “goods”), such as cigarettes. It has been proved that a smaller number of people has been smoking now than in the past. Beside the campaigns and advertisements against smoke, the great surge of cigarette prices is another key factor in the drop in the number of smokers. (I’d rephrase this part: the success in reducing the amount of smoking-addicted people has been caused by the great surge of cigarette prices.)
Clearly many people believe that the increase of in taxes of unhealthy food limits their freedom and so/therefore are unwilling to accept it. Obviously, a great number of people are used to regularly consuming them regularly (adverb at the end) , but I personally believe that if the companies stopped to promoting (stop+verb+ing) this kind of products, they people (using they can sound ambiguous here) would easily choose something else.
To sum up, taxes on unhealthy food may bring lead to more wisely wiser choices (you need an adjective for “choice” not an adverb) in buying products. However, healthy food should be less expensive (or: more affordable), so as to be more competitive in the market.
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