Never Sleep on the Bus in China

This morning I took a bus and something really horrible happened.
The bus stopped at the bus stop and some passengers could get off, it was really a normal thing, but suddenly the driver felt something was wrong and he shouted to the passengers who were still on the bus to check our belongings if there was anything missing.
People started to scream out "Oh my God, where is my bag?", "Sh**, my computer has gone."
It turned out that a guy who was running to the mountain was a thief. The driver yelled out: "Go, maybe you can catch him and get your things back." All the passangers were shocked, we didn't know what exactly had happened, and then a woman shouted again, "Look, my pocket has been cut, (you can almost see my money, the money have gone?) he is a thief, there were four hundred in my pocket. One day you will go to hell."
The bus stayed at the bus stop for 1 hour because we needed to wait for the men who had run after the guy and the police. But it turned out they couldn't find the possessions.
What a bad day!
Then the driver told us never to sleep on the bus, thieves were everywhere. Take care of your own things.

(Sorry, tell you guys things like this, but nevertheless China is a really nice country.)

Dear Gretchen, if you want to tell a story use just Present Simple. Don't vary the tenses, you're doing quite good, but the tenses are weak point, I am afraid. There are some synonyms you can use to say "things": belongings, possessions, luggage, bags, purses etc. Avoid the word "thing" it is used in slang. Good luck.

Never sleep in on the bus of in China

I took a bus this morning and some really horrible things happened.
The bus will stop sometimes so some passengers can get off, it's really a normal thing,but this time, the driver just feels felt like something was wrong, so he shouted to the passengers who are still in [OR: on] the bus
"chickCheck out your things, is something missing?"
"Oh my god, where is my bag?"
"Shit, my computer is gone."
"Well, it's that guy, he is running to the mountain. Go! Maybe you can catch him and get your things back!"
Everyone in the bus was in a shock, and didn't know what happened exactly, and then a woman shouted again,"Look, my pocket was cut! You can almost see my money, what a bad boy! There was four hundred yuan in my pocket. You will go to hell eventually!"
The bus stopped here there for 1 hour because we needed to wait for the men who were running after the guy and also the police. But it seems them they didn't find their things.
Bad day!
Then the driver told us never sleep to in the bus,the thieves are everywhere.Take care of you own things.

(Sorry, to tell you guys things like this. But you should know that China is really nice though)

Hi! Your English is very good! We often say "on the bus" instead of "in the bus". 加油！