HSK 5 写作第3章

《人生有选择，一切可改变》

我觉得翟峰是一位很有趣的人物。 看来他的性格是心猿意马，却不喜欢轻松的生活。 他好像是一个很喜欢探索的人，他跟他的老婆有一个很轻松的生活不过他还去买帆船了。 因为他觉得帆船会带他撞开”世界之门“，就能航行在无边无际的海上。如果我是他的话， 我可能跟他一样。 我自己因为住在我的家乡这么久，所以我渴望自己去探索世界。 不过现代何必用帆船？ 疫情走开之后，我想买个飞机票飞到世界普遍。

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《人生有选择，一切可改变》

我觉得翟峰是一位很有趣的人物。 他似乎是一个不落俗套的人，不安于现有的生活。 他好像是一个热爱探索的人，放着轻松的生活不过，却和太太去买帆船。 他觉得帆船能为他撞开”世界的大门“，他就能航行在无边无际的海上。换做是我， 我可能也会跟他一样。 在家乡生活了这么久，我也渴望去探索世界。不过现代何必用帆船呢？ 疫情结束后，我要买张机票飞遍世界。

建议：翟峰的航海故事，主人公不只是他自己，而是一个家庭的伟大冒险。他的夫人孙宏岩女士也是一位用于探险的强者。当然，还有他们可爱的女儿。期待您更丰富精彩的作品。

HSK 5 写作第3章

《人生有选择，一切可改变》

我觉得翟峰是一位很有趣的人物。 看来他的性格是心猿意马，却不喜欢轻松的生活。 他好像是一个很喜欢探索的人，他跟他的老婆有一个很轻松的生活不过他还去买帆船了。 因为他觉得帆船会带他撞开”世界之门“，就能航行在无边无际的海上。(comments see below, 1) 如果我是他的话， 我可能跟他一样。 我自己因为住在我的家乡这么久，所以我渴望自己去探索世界。 不过现代何必用帆船？ 疫情走开(退散，消退)之后，我想买个（张）飞机票飞到世界普遍 （I suppose you want to say everywhere in the world, then it would be “世界各处”）。

心猿意马：比喻人的心思流荡散乱，如猿马难以控制。（Notice that the first and third character refer to the mind, meanwhile the second and the fourth character refer to two kinds of animals. This is a typical method of analogy in Chinese. Since this adjective already pair someone's mind with something else, you don't need '人的心思' to refer to his mind again, it is already included in the word.) (very good usage of the word! It's very literate tho, it makes writing beautiful, maybe public speech, but this word is rarely use in modern daily conversation, just a little kind reminder )

却：This means "but". I don't see the point of using but here. 不喜欢轻松的生活, 有趣，心猿意马， think about what's the logical connection here. Are they logically equal and you're just listing his properties? (for example, my pen and my headphones are logically equal and I am just listing two objects on my table. This is the first meaning of "and".)

Or are they causally connected, one property of his causes you to say the other? If this is the case, try to connect them logically, put the conclusion first and says how you arrive at the conclusion, something like "我觉得翟峰是个有趣的人，（因为）他心猿意马，有趣，（不拘小节）." (I add "因为" to signalise the causal relationship: I think he's interesting because reason 1,2, and 3. But often times you wouldn't find this "因为" because Chinese writers usually omit this, this is a strange linguistic convention, but widely accepted. To my Chinese ears it sounds better to drop it, but It's always good to add this when you are practicing. ) (Another interesting linguistic convention, and it's related to Chinese culture. Three reasons is enough for an argument but two is too less. It sounds better for me to add a third property "不拘小节"，free free to replace the word if you don't think this correctly describes him, but an adjective of 4 characters will be better.)

This is in general good. You just need to work a bit more on the connection between sentences.

HSK 5 写作第3章

《人生有选择，一切可改变》

我觉得翟峰是一位很有趣的人物。 看来他的性格是心猿意马，却不喜欢轻松的生活。 他是一个很喜欢探索的人，他跟他的老婆原本生活得很轻松，但是他还去买帆船了。 因为他觉得帆船会带他撞开”世界之门“，可以航行在无边无际的海上。如果我是他的话， 我可能跟他一样。 因为在自己家乡住了这么久，所以我渴望去探索世界。 不过现代何必用帆船？ 疫情结束之后，我想买机票飞到世界各地。