Rich countries and Poor countries ( IELTS ACADEMIC)
Mostly, wealthier countries support the underdeveloped countries in finance whereas these sorts of economic aids are not sufficient. It will be more satisfactory when the developed countries reinforce the other conditions of these countries. This essay will explore the reasons for agreement on this issue. Firstly, I will discuss the importance of education system, and then the power of productivity level of a country.
Most poor countries, due to the weak economy, have low level of literacy and consequently the number of talented people in the society can not increase as fast as the powerful countries. This seems as a chain reaction. If a country provides a promising and sustainable education system for the young generation, which is the potential future of the country, it will have a huge impact on the growth rate of the society in the long run. For instance, if the poor countries enlist rich countries to establish them many proper schools and research universities with an academic staff and high standard, the number of high skilled citizens will boost after a while. Moreover, there is an important fact about this problem which is the government should try to prevent the brain immigration. Therefore, after a high quality of education, countries should provide rich range of job opportunities for the local people.
The other major subject to be point out, which is very much related with the former view, is the productivity level of the poor countries. If the capacity of the industrialization or the rate of employment raise in a certain time period by the investments of rich the countries, there will be born many opportunities. Establishing plants and production facilities or even contribution of house wifes’ labor can be extremely effective for the underdeveloped countries. For example, if the money owners invest in a specific sector in the poor countries, there will be efficient business and production cycles which will lead the country to have welfare.
In conclusion, to support the weak economies, I believe that investments in education and production are more sustainable way
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 1
1
Rich Countries and Poor Countries [1] (IELTS ACADEMIC)
Most poor countries, due to their weak economies [5], have low levels of literacy and, consequently, [6] the number of talented people in their societies cannot increase as fast as the [3] in powerful developed countries. This seems as to be a chain reaction. If a country provides a promising and sustainable education system for the its young generations, which is the potential future of the country, it will have a huge impact on the growth rate of the society in the long run. For instance, if the poor country [7] enlists the help of [8] rich countries to establish them many proper schools and research universities [9] with an academic staff and high standards, the number of highly skilled citizens will boost increase shortly after a while. Moreover, there is an important factor about of this problem, which is that the government should try to prevent the brain immigration [10]. Therefore, after a high quality of education is established, countries should provide a rich wide range of job opportunities for the [3] local people.
In conclusion, to support the weak economies, I believe that investments in education and production are a more sustainable way to support the weak economies.
[1] With titles you should capitalise all "major words" i.e. nouns, adjectives and adverbs. Please, refer to this resource for more information: https://www.grammarly.com/blog/capitalization-in-the-titles/
[2] Here mostly, is called an introductory word. Introductory words are generally used to link one sentence to the next. To start a paragraph, an introductory phrase should be used. Please, refer to this resource: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/punctuation/commas/commas_after_introductions.html
[3] the underdeveloped countries - specific countries, not possible here as no countries have been specified
underdeveloped countries - underdeveloped countries, general/unspecified
Resource: https://owl.purdue.edu/owl/general_writing/grammar/using_articles.html
[4] satisfactory - this would imply the economic aid is needed to satisfy underdeveloped countries. However, the underdeveloped countries need the aid for their benefit.
[5] Plural nouns need to agree with plural possessives. countries - their; country - its
[6] consequently is a transition word which you have used in the middle of a compound sentence and should be offset by two commas. Please, refer to this resource on the use of interrupting words: http://bigwords101.com/2015/blog/commas-part-5-interrupting-words/
[7] Your previous sentence gave the example of "a poor country" singular and in this sentence you've used the definite article the which implies you are referring to the same "country".
[8] to enlist the help of someone - not the best verb as you're talking about countries, not people. Be sure to check definitions thoroughly when using advanced vocabulary as definitions and usage can be very specific. https://www.lexico.com/en/definition/enlist
[9] This is a tautology. Universities do research by definition.
[10] What is "brain immigration"? You definitely need to explain this in your essay.
[11] Here you are trying to show a condition and a result i.e. the first conditional.
If + pres. simple, then + will
However, you have put the cause after the verb. You must follow the rule of orders S+V+O like so:
If..investments..cause..growth, then...
If+S+V+O, then...
http://esl.fis.edu/grammar/rules/order.htm
[12] I think all countries have some form of welfare, regardless of whether they are underdeveloped.
Good work, I recommend splitting such essays into shorter entries so there are less corrections to make.
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
