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China flagRachel He
Friend Or Teacher? I read an american's article some days ago. He felt it wasn't good that some chinese said "I want to make friends with you, and you may help me with my English". He thought it was like taking advantage of others. In my opinion, when some people say " I want to make friends with you" they mean it. And why can't being friends meanwhile helping each other? If you want to practise your Chinese, I think they wont refuse to help, right? Well, it may just be a misunderstanding due to different language styles. What do you think about ? friends :)

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Friend Or Teacher?

A few days ago, I read an American's article by an American.some days ago. He felt it wasn't good that some Chinese said "I want to make friends with you, and you may help me with my English". He thought it was like taking advantage of others. In my opinion, when some people say "I want to make friends with you" they mean it. And Why can't being friends meanwhile helping each other? If you want to practise your Chinese, I think they wont refuse to help, right?
Well, it may just be a misunderstanding due to different language styles.
What do you think about ? friends :)

I agree with your view point to a certain extent but before going further with my comment.  The way you wrote, "I want to make friends with you, you may help me with my English." sounds imperious.  Only the Queen of England may use such phrases.  It would be better to say, "I want to make friends with you, please help me with my English".

Now back to my comment... :)   I am splitting hairs here.  There is a difference between the following words, friend (朋友), aquaintance (相識) and colleague (同事).  You may not consider the last two as your friends even though they can be your friends.  Even there is a difference between 朋 and 友.  朋 are those you know in an old fashion classroom in ancient China while 友 are those you know from all other places.  In the older days, it is proper for someone to say, "May I be your acquaintance?" instead.  A friend is someone whom you have gone through trials and tribulations with; that you can depend, rely and confide with.  There is no such instant friend except when you are a little school kid. 

As one grows older, you sense that everyone wanting to be your friend has a motive.  They want to be your friend because you have money; you are good looking; you may help me in my homework or able to open doors for them in the future (eg going to Eaton, a prestigious UK school).  Even if you admiire them for their noble qualities is still wanting something from them in return.   That's my point.  There is nothing for free.  People wanting to be "friends" with me on ITALKI is solely because they want to have their English improved.  I am just splitting hairs with the words, "friends" and "aquaintances".  To be more technical, they should ask, "May I be your student?". 

To me it cheapens the word, "friend" by asking to be a friend.  This is even worse online because some of them don't even have a picture or a real one for that matter. In real life, when someone wearing a mask or have the face hidden, comes up to you and ask you to be a friend.  How would you react? Let alone wanting to be a friend!

It is just like the word "love".  Nowadays, people say, "I love you" carries no weight.  This is my opinion.  For me it is always "Action speaks louder than words".  My two cents worth of bluntness and hair splitting :)

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Ha ha , Late , I have no feelings to Japanese nor to Chinese.. and when we are discussing a topic like this its mutually assumed that we are not applying this to WHOLE Japanese or Chines community.... That's the basics of a discussion like that... I guess you haven't understood that well ^_^. Oky then ... I guess its not worth typing ahead .. when people don't even get the basics in a discussion ...No worthwhile conclusion can be derived ... Cherrio ^_^
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Now I know your feelings about Chinese and Japanese. But you made a mistake. We shouldn't take a part to the whole. :)
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Hi Late, Thanks for the feedback. Yes I understand your point. Being in a multicultural city (Melbourne) I have done some investigation on this aspect before. This might not be conclusive of cause but was helpful for me. I have noticed that there are polite cultures and there are rude cultures. (And of cause there are neutral ones.. but let’s not talk about them in here) If you have interacted with Japanese .. you will notice that how polite , their wordings and conducts are with a stranger. Even their language support so many polite forms of speech … “Ex: Use plenty of - Onegaighi masu” Chinese , other hand I consider is a bit rude language/ culture… Don’t get me wrong .. this is not conclusive.. All Chinese people I interacted with are blunt and straight forward… When they want something they will bluntly say it. Ex: Chinese will say- Get away/move aside- And they will wave you off ! , Japanese will say – Excuse me … Can you please move aside. With a polite smile. Am I the only one who is noticing these or …. Are there anyone else who have observed these aspects ???? Would like to know other’s ideas….
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Hi Tiraj. Thanks for the comment. You are partly right. But seems stray from my point. Well, you mentioned that "I want to make friends with you" is a demand.. not a request... I want to say that's exactly what i said in my post that it might be a misunderstanding due to different language styles. Because when chinese say i want to make friends with you. It means they like you and want to know your opnion about making firends. Well, i know for people from different culture backgroud sounds different. So, we are here to discuss and learn! :p

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