请问网友们帮我改正一下我短短的故事,谢谢。
“彦琳你好”,嘶哑嗓音使他吓了一跳,一听就认识了,他是又来了。
“妳明明知道我是谁,是不是?”, 恐惧的彦琳站着抓紧电话,想着他竟然怎么是找到她的!
“你是在限制令下,不能给我打电话!” 她猛然地喊道。
他笑着说: “我敢做的东西还更多,彦琳。。。妳掉头一下!”
Translation:
“Hello, Stacey”, That coarse voice stroked her like thunder, he was back.
“You know who I am, don’t you?” Stacey stand there startled, clinging to the phone, trying to understand how could have he ever possibly found her.
“You can’t call me, you are under a restriction order!” said Stacey abruptly.
He chuckled, “oh, I’ll do much more than just calling… turn around Stacey…”
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Corrections · 8
1
“喂,彦琳”,那深沉低哑的嗓音把她吓得一个激灵,他又来了。
“妳知道我是谁,对吗”, 彦琳被钉在原地,手里抓紧电话,脑子里飞快的想着他是怎么能找到她的!
“你还在限制令下,你不可以给我打电话的!” 她猛然喊道。
他邪魅一笑: “我不仅要打电话,我还要做好多事,彦琳。。。你回头”
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其实语法没什么问题,我是根据剧情和自己的理解对你写的小故事做了一下措辞修改。
0
请问网友们帮我改正一下我的短短的故事,谢谢。
“喂,彦琳你好”,这嘶哑的嗓音使他她吓了一跳,她一听就认出来认识了,他是又回来了。
“妳(明明)知道我是谁,是不是?”, 恐惧的彦琳站着抓紧电话,想着他究竟竟然是怎么是找到她的!
“你是还在限制令下,不能给我打电话!” 她猛然地喊道。
他笑着说: “我敢做的东西事情还更很多,彦琳。。。妳转过来。。。掉头一下!”
Translation:
“Hello, Stacey”, That coarse voice stroked her like thunder, he was back.
“You know who I am, don’t you?” Stacey stand there startled, clinging to the phone, trying to understand how could have he ever possibly found her.
“You can’t call me, you are under a restriction order!” said Stacey abruptly.
He chuckled, “oh, I’ll do much more than just calling… turn around Stacey…”
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故事好吓人啊!
0
grammatical mistakes:
1. 他又来了。(both 是 and 来are verbs, you can not use two verbs here, besides, 又 is a adverb and should always be placed BEFORE a verb, so 是又 do not make sense)
2. 你在限制令。在 function as a verb when it is used to indicate a physical or virtual location, so we do NOT add another verb 是 here.
All in all, your Chinese is always very advanced!
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