Why many people around the world still go hungry?!
Hi there! this is my IELTS writing homework. I would really appreciate it if you could correct it!
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Q: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this happen? What can be done about this problem?
In recent years, although scientists have made much significant progress in agricultural industry, there are still nearly millions of people who are suffering starvation. This essay will discuss the possible causes and solutions to this issue.
It is clear that only some advances in agriculture are insufficient .The central reasons behind this are twofold - initially, most of the outcomes that we get from the developments of agriculture are used in developed countries. This is due to amount of profits (large profits) ,which motivate companies to produce more high quality or fancy foods for rich customers rather than providing more food for ordinary people or poor people. In fact, those people who still go hungry have not benefited much from the improvements in agriculture. In addition, other factors that impact on people’s living standard should not be neglected, such as climate change and global warming. Because the detention of our environment will induce a reduction in food production. A study from Harvard University indicated that last year Africa produced two-thirds of food than that in 2010.
Despite the challenge that we are facing is serious, this does not mean we ought to give up to untangle it. Firstly, governments should shoulder their responsibilities, with not only guiding tech companies to produce cheaper food, but also improving the living strander of starving people. Secondly, protecting environment plays a vital role in preserving the supplement of food.
In summary, from opinions and suggestion given, I believe that chasing profits and environment deterioration are two reasons of that a number of people still go hungry. And if governments and companies can work hand in hand, this situation could be alleviated in the future.
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Corrections · 4
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Why many people around the world still go hungry?!
Hi there! this is my IELTS writing homework. I would really appreciate it if you could correct it!
=======
Q: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this happen? What can be done about this problem?
In recent years, although scientists have made much significant progress in agricultural industry, there are still nearly millions of people who are suffering from starvation. This essay will discuss the possible causes and solutions to this issue.
It is clear that only some advances (I would probably change the sentence structure as it is not very clear: the recent tech advances ...)in agriculture are insufficient .The central reasons behind this are twofold - initially, most of the outcomes that we get from the developments of agriculture (agricultural developments) are used in developed countries. This is due to amount of profits (large profits) ,which motivate companies to produce more high quality or fancy foods for rich customers rather than providing more food for ordinary people or poor people. In fact, those people who still go hungry have not benefited much from the improvements in agriculture. In addition, other factors that impact on people’s living standard should not be neglected, such as climate change and global warming. Because (avoid starting with because, and or while) the detention of our environment will induce a reduction in food production. A study from Harvard University indicated that last year Africa produced two-thirds of food than that in compared to 2010.
Despite the challenge that we are facing is serious, this does not mean we ought to give up to untangle it. Firstly, governments should shoulder their responsibilities, with not only by guiding tech companies to produce cheaper food, but also by improving the living strander (standards?) of starving people. Secondly, protecting environment plays a vital role in preserving the supplement of food.
In summary, starting from the given opinions and suggestions given, I believe that chasing profits and environment deterioration are two reasons of that a number of people still go hungry. And if governments and companies can work hand in hand, this situation could be alleviated in the future.
Hey,
I thought it was quite good, remember to keep the structure simple.
I used blue for suggestions and red for mistakes. I also used orange if I didn't quite get what you meant.
Hope it finds you well.
Regards,
Alessia
0
Hi Shelton,
Here are my corrections:
Why do many people around the world still go hungry?!
Hi there! this is my IELTS writing homework. I would really appreciate it if you could correct it!
=======
Q: In spite of the advances made in agriculture, many people around the world still go hungry. Why is this happening? What can be done about this problem?
In recent years, although scientists have made much significant progress in the agricultural industry, there are still nearly millions of people who are suffering from starvation. This essay will discuss the possible causes and solutions to this issue.
It is clear that only some the advances in agriculture are insufficient .The central reasons behind this are twofold - initially, most of the outcomes that we get from the developments of agriculture are used in developed countries. This is due to the drive for profits amount of profits (large profits) ,which motivates companies to produce more high quality or fancy foods for rich customers rather than providing more food for ordinary people or poor people. In fact, those people who still go hungry have not benefited much from the improvements in agriculture (at all). In addition, other factors that impact on people’s living standard should not be neglected, such as climate change and global warming, should also be taken into account, because the detention of damage to our environment will induce a reduction in food production. A study from Harvard University indicated that last year Africa produced only two-thirds as much food than that as in 2010.
Despite the seriousness of the challenges that we are facing is serious, this does not mean we shouldn't ought to use them as an pretext to give up to untangle it. Firstly, governments should shoulder their responsibilities, with not only by guiding inciting tech companies to produce cheaper food, but also by improving the living strander standards of starving people/the poorest sections of the population. Secondly, protecting environmental protection plays a vital role in preserving the supplement of food supplies.
In summary, from opinions and suggestion given, I believe that chasing the (relentless) pursuit of profits and environment deterioration are the two (main) reasons of that why a number of people still go hungry. And Therefore, if governments and companies can work hand in hand, this situation could be alleviated in the future.
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