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Mars’ problem *I would like you to fix these sentences! Thank you!* Temperature difference is too big. Mars’ soil includes a lot of perchlorate which is a harmful substance. Cosmic Ray falls because the atmosphere is very thin. There is no ozone layer so people will be exposed to UV Ray. Mars’ atmospheric concentration is very low and 95% of it is CO2 so there is no pure oxygen.

Corrections · 5

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Very good start! I suggest changing the request from "I would like you to fix these sentences" to "Could someone please fix these sentences for me?" The way you wrote it sounds like a polite request from your boss, such as "I would like you to be in the office an hour early tomorrow..." instead of a friendly question for the community.
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Problems on Mars (This title I think would flow a bit better than Mars' Problems :) )

*I would like you to fix these sentences! Thank you!*

There is a significant difference in temperature. By writing the phrase this way, it sounds a bit more formal. Using the world significant stresses that fact that the difference in temperature is far too great to be a hospitable planet.

The soil on Mars soil contains perchlorate, which is a toxic substance.
Due to the thin atmosphere, cosmic rays may reach Mars' surface.
The lack of an ozone layer would lead to UV exposure.
Mars' atmosphere concentration is low and 95% of the atmosphere is composed of CO2, hence there is very little oxygen available.
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Mars’ problem

*I would like you to fix these sentences! Thank you!*

The temperature difference is too big.
Mars’ soil includes a lot of perchlorate which is a harmful substance.
Cosmic ray can reach the surface because the atmosphere is very thin.
There is no ozone layer so people will be exposed to UV rays.
Mars’ atmospheric concentration is very low and 95% of it is CO2 so there is no pure oxygen.
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@torch wielding guy Sorry, that was a mistake. “Radiation” was supposed to be “Cosmic Ray” which is a type of radiation that flutters around the space and those falls in to the Mars. https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cosmic_ray
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Wouldn't the radiation RISE because of the thin atmosphere?

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