Can someone help me to translate in a better poetic english this poem?

I wrote a poem in spanish and I translated it into english, but I think is not a very poetic translation. I would be very happy if you help me:

there were millions dancing around me, A myriad swirling before me in dance,

sliding vertiginously to no place, In frantic dizziness to nowhere.

I went through the membrane Then through the membrane I went,

now I only remain, To which I am now all alone.

I have arrived at the white preamble of life, Now, at life's /preamble of white/snow-white prelude/,

who I am, Who am I?

before being what I will be All that before and whom of the future I be?

why me? Why me [, the chosen one]?

perhaps they did not want to survive Perhaps others choose not to live

know the ecstasy, To know the joy...

I will dance for you all To all I shall dance,

the dance of the one who dreams The dance of a dreamer.

I will reach the world Into this world I shall come...

as a foreigner of light A new light I shall be!

Can someone help me to translate in a better poetic english this poem?

I wrote a poem in Spanish and I translated it into English, but I do not think it is not a very poetic translation. I would be very happy if you could help me:

There were millions dancing around me,

sliding vertiginously? to no where,

I went through the membrane

now I only remain,

I have arrived at the white preamble of life,

who I am,

before being what I will be

why me?

perhaps they did not want to survive

know the ecstasy,

I will dance for you all

the dance of the one who dreams

I will reach the world

as a foreigner to light

Good job, Grace!

Con la poesia es cuestion de sensibilidad, no? Aun asi, he hecho un par de sugerencias. Une regla: cuando una linea empieza con "There are" o "There were" casi, casi siempre hay una manera de empezarla mejor. Son palabras que no invitan el interes. Creo que encontrarias esa regla en un libro magnifico que se llama Elements of Style. Para llegar a algo "poetic" te aconsejo que lo leas y escuches por los sonidos. Como chocan las palabras una contra otra, por ejemplo? Los sonidos son iguales en cualquier idioma. Ultima cosa: la puntuacion me parece un poco imprecisa. Puede que sea mejor sin nada de eso?

(Perdona la falta de acentos en mi espannnol)

Millions danced around me,

sliding vertiginously to no place,

I went through the membrane

now only I remain,

I have arrived at the white preamble of life,

who am I?

before being what I will be? (Esta linea me gusta)

why me? (Esta linea no me gusta tanto)

perhaps they did not want to survive,

know the ecstasy,

I will dance for you all

the dance of the one who dreams

I will arrive in the world (la palabra "reach" rasca un poco)

as a foreigner of light

I really like your poem! It seems that you feel sad for something or someone that you lost, but also feel hopeful and confident about your future.

One thing I didn't understand though, when you say you will arrive 'as a foreigner of light' do you mean that you will be light, or you will be different to light (so dark)?

Anyway, here is my best effort at making your poem more beautiful. Let me know what you think; do you think my version still has the same meaning as your original poem, or have I misunderstood?

There were millions dancing around me

Whirling chaotically toward nowhere,

Alone I passed through,

Now I, alone, remain.

I have arrived at life's snow-white prelude,

as I,

Before being what I will be.

Why me?

Perhaps they did not want to survive,

To know the ecstasy,

I will dance for you all,

The dance of the one who dreams;

I will reach the world

as a being of light.

-- I was also thinking:

...

I alone passed through,

Now I alone remain.

...

I can't really decide which one sounds nicer, but I think repeating the word 'alone' has a nice effect. Also I added the word 'snow' to make 'snow-white' because I think this sounds softer and more calm than the word 'white' by itself, which can sound quite harsh and bright.