If my school were planing to...
If my school were planing to hold activity, I will recommend to threw a party for elderly in our community. First of all, in a modern city, the issue of lonesome elderly who doesn't have enough care and companion are more serious during recent decades. Having experience living with my grandma in the past time has told me how painstaking it is when taking care senior citizens. Thus, I want to urge students like me can do a favor and contribution for our community. Secondly, this event will teach those students participating through the process. For instance, by chatting with elderly, we will learn how to communicate with people whose ages are far from us----which is an important skills I regard that we should have when collaborating with others. Moreover, we might hear interesting stories from them, and also by threwing an event like this we can learn things beyond textbooks. Last but not least, doing good deed in our own abilities can strengthen the link of our commune and infuse some positive energy in our daily life. I am certain that it will activate a positive circulation in every citizens.
This event will be seperated as two part. The first is sending lunch for elderly. While the first part, we can accompany those lonesome elderly and listen to their stories at the same time. When the lunch is going to end, we will inform them that there will be a party for them at Center Square, that evening. The second part of this event will be the evening party held at Center Square in our community. The performances of this party will be various and wonderful since we have numerous clubs in our school. Students will present dancing, playing music, talk show and so on. Except the elderly in our community, we will also invite kids, because I regard kids are indipensible for building a harmonious environment, and only teaching how important remaining the relationship around us is can keep our community jolly. With those excellent students who are passionate at helping people, I am sure that this event will be just a new start for our community to happiness.
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>>> This is very well written! Just a few changes I would make. Without any changes, I completely understand the meaning, though. :)
>>> Just a couple spelling issues, and changing the verb or noun to have
If my school were planing to...
If my school were planing to hold activity, I will recommend to throw a party for elderly in our community. First of all, in a modern city, the issue of lonesome elderly who don't have enough care and companionship are more serious during recent decades. Having experience living with my grandma in the past time has told me how painstaking it is when taking care senior citizens. Thus, I want to urge students like me who can do a favor and contribute to for our community. Secondly, this event will teach those students participating through the process. For instance, by chatting with elderly, we will learn how to communicate with people whose ages are far from us----which is an important skills I regard that we should have when collaborating with others. Moreover, we might hear interesting stories from them, and also by throwing an event like this we can learn things beyond textbooks. Last but not least, doing good deeds in our own abilities can strengthen the link of our commune and infuse some positive energy in our daily life. I am certain that it will activate a positive circulation in every citizens.This event will be separated as two part. The first is sending lunch for to the elderly. While the first part, we can accompany those lonesome elderly and listen to their stories at the same time. When the lunch is going to end, we will inform them that there will be a party for them at Center Square, that evening. The second part of this event will be the evening party held at Center Square in our community. The performances of this party will be various and wonderful since we have numerous clubs in our school. Students will present dancing, playing music, talk show and so on. Except the elderly in our community, we will also invite kids, because I regard kids are indispensable for building a harmonious environment, and only teaching how important remaining the relationship around us is can keep our community jolly. With those excellent students who are passionate at helping people, I am sure that this event will be just a new start for our community to happiness.
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