If you are a male, it is more likely that you have a degree (IELTS task 1)
This is my writing practice for IELTS task 1. Please give me your opinion about the coherence and cohesion of this task. Also, if you had done the test, let me know it. Maybe you could give me any advice.
This graph illustrates the best studies certificates gotten by women and men in a British city in 2001/2002. Overall, males had better level of studies than women.
First, it was clear males spent considerably more time studying or getting certifications compared with females. The overwhelming population of males (38%) acquired a GCEA-A level and the minority of men was able to get higher education qualification certificate at least. Another relevant point is that this group had more people with a degree o equivalent grade than the group of women with 13 per cent and 11 per cent respectively.
On the other hand, the majority of women had a GSCEA level only with close to one third. Exactly a quarter of this group had not any academic preparation compared with males, this group was not academically well prepared. The other comparisions had the same pattern. Except with the higher education level, where slightly more women than men had this certificate (8% and 7%).
Thank you guys :)
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 2
1
I'm not sure if you want corrections, but if you do I put them below.
In terms of cohesion and coherence, I think you did pretty well. I understood everything you wrote, your sentences were pretty solid, and you communicated the information.
What I would change: (corrections in colloquial english, not necessarily grammatically perfect english.)
Yellow Phrases --Just suggestions that might make you sound better.
Red highlights -- Missing words. I assume they are probably just typos.
Teal highlight -- cohesion between your paragraphs.
If you are a male, it is more likely that you have a degree (IELTS task 1)
This is my writing practice for IELTS task 1. Please give me your opinion about the coherence and cohesion of this task. Also, if you had have done the test, let me know. Maybe you could give me any advice. I would appreciate advice from someone who has taken the test.This graph illustrates the best studies certificates certificate level gotten attained by women and men in a British city in 2001/2002. Overall, males had a better higher level of studies than women.
First, it was clear males spent considerably more time studying or getting certifications compared with females. The overwhelming (I wouldn't use overwhelming to identify 38%, particularly if contrasted with with at ~30%. Use 'A higher percentage of males' or something similar) population of males (38%) acquired a GCEA-A level. and even the minority of men was able to get a higher education qualification certificate at least. Another relevant point is that this group had more people with a degree o equivalent grade than the group of women with 13 per cent and 11 per cent respectively.
On the other hand(for your two paragraphs, pick either 'first and second' or 'On one hand, we have the men with considerably more time invested in education' and 'On the other hand, , the majority of women had a GSCEA level only with close to one third.' )Exactly a quarter of this group had not had any academic preparation compared with males. It follows that this group was not academically well prepared. The other comparisions had the same pattern except with the higher education level. In higher education, slightly more women than men had this certificate (8% and 7%).
Thank you guys :)
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
