presentation3
through an online interview at SF company’s official website, I ordered a delivery service online and paid for it, then I ask the customer service staff some questions about the package classification, sorting and delivery process, he is really nice, she give me some direct information and some link in their official website. Then, I got a rough understanding about SF company’s delivery process. Also, during a weekend I was waiting in the accommodation reception room, then a deliveryman sent some package to the reception room. I had a short talk with this deliveryman and understand how the UK delivery systems works. It is quite different from China. After that, I searched their official website and watched some videos about how their sorting systems works. And I also Collected and Organized some data through a survey about the employee satisfaction on http://glassdoor.co.uk website which has many comments written by Royal Mail Express employees form every different positions. At the same time, some friends in China helped me collected some useful first-hand information by chatting with the deliveryman in their communities directly. Then I not only have some information about their working process, but also some information about their timetables, salary structures which can provide me a wider platform to analyze a question in many different angles.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 5
1
And I also Collected
and Organized (why are these words capitalized? If you were specifically asked to do these things, you may as well capitalize the whole word to make it stand out, or put it in bold or italics in a word processor program. COLLECTED ORGANIZED) some data through from a survey about the employee satisfaction
on http://glassdoor.co.uk website which has many comments written by
Royal Mail Express employees form from every different positions.
(Or: "from different positions." "every" and "different" are
redundant. 冗余的？"through" would only be appropriate if you did the
survey yourself. "Through this survey, we ascertained that people
prefer this kind of ice cream over that. "From that data from that
survey, we realized we needed to change our business model." "survey about the employee satisfaction of major companies" "survey about employee satisfaction at several major companies"... this is also subtle. "the" doesn't quite sound right in the context of your presentation. Because it's not really about a specific "employee satisfaction" it's about various employees.) At the same
time, some friends in China helped me collected some useful first-hand
information by chatting with the deliverymen in their communities
directly. ("At the same time" is okay, but it's a little weird since it wasn't necessarily exactly the same time as you were organizing the data from the survey. I would say "Additionally, " or "Also," or something else. "helped' is past tense here so "collect" is a special kind of verb tense here... like "helped me to collect" "help" is really the main verb.) Then/As a result, I not only have some information about their working
process, but also some information about their timetables, and salary
structures which can provide me a wider platform from which to analyze a question
in many different angles. (When there's only two things, you want just an "and/or", etc., no comma. I will sometimes informally, use just a "," with two things, but even in doing so it indicates a kind of ", and etc." afterwards 时间表和薪水结构等, 等等？ "As a result" is better than "then" because "then" is like separate things that are somewhat unrelated but happened one after the other. "I went to the store. Then I went to the bank." "I went to the bank. Only then was I able to go to the store because otherwise I wouldn't have had any money on my person." "working process" is a little strange... it sounds like something someone would do in a particular profession. "As a writer, my working process is a little eccentric. I absolutely must have soft jazz playing and must have consumed exactly one pint of a particular kind of wine to even consider writing. Then I make exactly eight lists of the ideas I want to portray in my writing.... " "working process" is okay the way you used it, but I think there are better terms depending on what specifically you want to describe here. Even "work procedures" sounds better. I don't know if this is like 工作的过程 versus 工作的程序/手续，工序 "procedures" are like a company might have a manual of work procedures, how each part of their business is coordinated and executed, as well as policies regarding particular situations that might come up. "process" in this case just sounds like something being done on something in particular. maybe "work processes" would be a little better, but also not as good as something with "procedures". For instance "SOP" I think is an acronym meaning "standard operating procedure" .)
1
I got a rough understanding about SF company’s delivery process. Also, during athe weekend, when I was waiting in the accommodation reception room, then a deliveryman sent brought some/a
package to the reception room. (Again, "some" is a little strange here with the singular "package", as if he brought a package that had nothing to do with you. Maybe that was case here and then "some" would be appropriate, if it was not your package, not the package for you. "accommodation reception room"... I don't know what this is. Who is it accommodating? Is it a particular name for a particular room in a particular business? Most "reception rooms" are accommodating by nature... If the deliveryman "sent" the package up/in to the room, it means that he had to give it to someone at the building to be "brought" up/in and could not do it himself. (up/in depending on whether the destination is on the first floor or a higher floor, i.e., "up the stairs". But normally a company does the "sending" through a delivery service and the delivery service "brings" the package. Lastly "a weekend"... this is a bit difficult "during a weekend when I was waiting in the reception area" would mean that you spent a lot of time in that reception area on multiple weekends, and on a particular one of those weekends, a deliveryman brought a package up. "during the weekend when I was waiting in the reception area," would mean that this is about a particular weekend, but again, it sounds like it's a weekend you were in that reception area a long time... like that weekend could be described as "that weekend that I spent in the reception area". Adding a "," I think after "weekend" makes it a little clearer, and "the weekend" has a sense of just something that happened over the weekend. "Last weekend, I went out to dinner." "During/over the weekend, Sam visited." "Let's get together some weekend." "Is there a weekend when you are available?" "I am available the last weekend of the month but only on Saturday.") I had a short talk with this deliveryman
and (came to) understand how the UK delivery systems works. It is quite different
from China. After that, I searched their official website and watched
some videos about how their sorting systems works. (这是一个微妙的点。It depends on the audience your presentation is meant for. If it's very important to them that you understand how this system works, then without "came to" or something similar is fine. In other words "Do you know what to do? I talked to Jim and, yes, I understand what to do." On the other hand, 反之，if you are just describing something that happened, as in a story or narrative, then this would sound strange. And either "came to understand" i.e., as the result of the conversation or "I had a short talk with... and he explained how..." would be better.)
1
presentation 3
Through an online interview process at SF company’s official website, I ordered a delivery service online and paid for it. (This is a good place for a period. "interview" is 面试? "process"过程，行程？ is more general and could include a conversation with someone. But ordering some product online doesn't sound like something someone would be interviewed for or interview someone else for. "ordered delivery" usually means food, like you call a local restaurant and they drive over with what you ordered. "Let's order delivery tonight." If you ordered a product online, then that's another thing. "a" is not good here solely because of "paid for it". It makes "delivery service" sound like the service itself was the product rather than the product was delivered by/through the service.) Then I asked(you dropped the tense here..) the customer service staff some questions about the package classification, sorting and delivery process. He was really nice,(a period or colon might be better than a comma here. A comma here is not really grammatically correct. Or maybe, more commonly: "He was really nice and gave me..." would be good.) she(他，她？） give gave me some direct information and some link in to their official website. (The link goes to their website. Or a link on one website to another website. "some" is a little dismissive here. "I asked for customer support and all they gave me was some link to their website." It makes the "link" singular sound 没有帮的, not helpful or useful. "some links" plural would be multiple links and make more sense but then it wouldn't be "to" a single website" it would be on a website to multiple other websites. "direct information" sounds strange. "relevant information" makes more sense, i.e., 关于你的问题的情报. "direct" is more like, no intermediary, straight through. "We drove directly to the grocery store without stopping for gas." Or very straight forward. "He told me very directly that I was incompetent." Or, again, "I got the package directly from the manufacturer, rather than through a retailer.") Then,("From this" would be better than "then". "Then" suggests a separate thing. So he talked to you, and then, completely unrelated, you later got a rough understanding of something from something/someone else...")Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
