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Italy flagErika
Elsa's thoughts Mobiles. Mobiles everywhere. What's going on with all these people? Elsa was at the bus station. She had to go to the University. It was 8 a.m and her lesson started at 9.30. She had plenty of time so she started to look around, observing all those people waiting a bus with a mobile in their hands. They seemed completely absorbed in their devices. You may think that she was a sort of anti-technology. Am I right? No, she just wanted not to lose touch with reality. She preferred a good book, a nice conversation in front of a cup of tea, instead of reading a Facebook statement or a long series of text messages. Obviously Elsa had a mobile, too. But she never abused of it. She used it only if necessary. For example, to call her mom and tell her that she was going to be late or to keep in touch with her friends and Paul. Probably she was exaggerating. Still, she was the only one who saw the bus arriving.

Corrections · 8

2

Good essay! I'd mention one thing Robert didn't....

 a nice conversation in front of  over a cup of tea 

We normally have a conversation over something to eat/drink, and not in front of it.  


1

I made some suggestions in comments, I wouldn't call it corrections, more encouragement to try longer sentences with prepositions to link ideas better.

Elsa's thoughts

Mobiles. Mobiles everywhere.
What's going on with all these people?

Elsa was at the bus station. She had to go to the University. It was 8 a.m and her lesson started at 9.30. She had plenty of time so she started to look around, observing all those people waiting a bus with a mobile in their hands. They seemed completely absorbed in their devices. You may think that she was a sort of anti-technology. Am I right? No, she just wanted not to lose touch with reality. She preferred a good book, a nice conversation in front of a cup of tea, instead of reading a Facebook statement or a long series of text messages.

Obviously Elsa had a mobile, too. But she never abused of it to abuse needs direct object not "of" here.  So "She never abused it."


. She used it only if necessary. For example, to call her mom and tell her that she was going to be late or to keep in touch with her friends and Paul. 


Probably she was exaggerating.
Still, she was the only one who saw the bus arriving.

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Sorry Erika, I did not notice you had asked a question. "to exaggerate" is to say something is bigger/larger/better/worse than it is. So I would have exaggerated if I had written the mistakes in your writing ruined your essay, or if I said you were totally wrong about everything. I tried NOT to exaggerate but give you a useful answer :) Being over-judgemental is when someone is intolerant and looks for faults; those people who you can never do anything right and they criticise you for not being some ideal.
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As we say in Italy: in medio stat virtus. We need to find an equilibrium. Some people overuse the mobile. By the way, you're right I have to write longer sentences and use more prepositions :) And I would like to thank you for correcting my text :) Can I ask you a question? What's the difference between "exaggerate" and "being over-judgemental"?
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Hi Erika, well I use mobile apps to help me practice Spanish, so it's not all "pointless". Now, as a native English speaker, I will suggest some things.. First 2 sentences, can be linked, so better "Elsa was at .. station, as (or because) she had to go to her University." May be "anti-technology. Well, no! She simply wanted to stay in touch with reality." Now I think thre are mistakes here, "Obviously Elsa had a mobile, too. But she never abused of it." To abuse has a direct object, so "She never abused it." In this context I would write, "Although Elsa had a mobile, she used it to call her Mum, or keep in touch with friends and Paul. She did not abuse the mobile, no txt-ing whilst walking into lamp posts, and she would wait till safely sat on a bus seat, and only then begin to study her Quizlet flash cards or review an English lesson." OK now at the end, I'd likely alter "Probably she was exaggerating. Still, she was the only one who saw the bus arriving." Probably she was being over-judgemental, but you know what? Elsa was the only one who actually saw the bus arrive at the wrong stop and had the pick of the seats!

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