Essay of temperatures in three major cities
It's an IELTS writing task. Could you please revise it for me, that would be very helpful, thank you very much.
The diagram demonstrates the flux of temperature from January to December in three metropolises-Paris, Boston, and Melbourne.
Paris and Boston have a similar trend of climate change, which reaches the highest temperature in August. By contrast, the warmth in Melbourne decreases steadily from January to July, and after then the tendency is inversed to rise within the rest of year.
Although the climates of Paris and Boston are alike, Boston has a hotter summer and a colder winter than Paris. The highest temperature in Paris is around 7 degrees more than in Boston. What's more, Boston is the only place among the three that has a period below zero degrees.
Melbourne is much warmer than the other two, with the lowest temperature is around 16 degree. The summit temperature in Melbourne is about 26 degree, which is lower than in Boston and slightly higher than in Paris.
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Essay of temperatures in three major cities
It's an IELTS writing task. Could you please revise it for me, that would be very helpful, thank you very much.The diagram demonstrates the flux of changes of temperature from January to December in three metropolises- cities - Paris, Boston, and Melbourne.
1. If you read weather reports in English, "flux" is rarely used to describe changes in temperature.
2. Very uncommon to use "metropolises" especially in weather reports.. 'Cities' is a better choice.
Paris and Boston have a similar trend of climate change increasing temperatures , which reaches reaching the highest temperature in August. By In contrast, the warmth in Melbourne decreases steadily from January to July, and after then the tendency is inversed reversed to rise within the rest of year. until the end of the year.
3. Climate change difficult to use here because the climate means temperature, humidity, sun, rain , snow etc. And the article is only talking about temperature.
Although the climates of temperature trends in Paris and Boston are alike, Boston has a hotter summer and a colder winter than Paris. The highest temperature in Paris is around 7 degrees more than in Boston. What's more, Boston is the only place among the three that has a period below zero degrees.
Melbourne is much warmer than the other two is generally warmer with less variation than the other two cities. with the The lowest temperature is around 16 degrees. The summit peak temperature in Melbourne is about 26 degrees, which is lower than that of in Boston and slightly higher than in Paris.
Be careful of trying to use different vocabulary which might be inappropriate for the scenario. For example, you were asked to write about mountains, then 'summit' would be very good to use. However, for writing about temperature, it is not used.
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