the writing part of toefl
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
following sentence is my answer
Recently, there are many young adults prefer to live with their families. They can support each other by money and so on. Maybe it’s a real shape of the family. However, I agree young adults should be independence from their parents as soon as possible. I make this argument from following three perspective; they can spend much time what want to do, they can have faculty to live by themselves, and they can conceive importance of their families.
First, young adults can spend much time what they want to do. For example, I have lived by myself for four years. When I lived with my family, my parents was so strict and pressed me to study. So,I didn’t have much time to do other things. But now, I can do want I want to do, playing the piano and playing tennis etc. it make my life more abundant.
Second, they can become to live by themselves. Young adults who live with their families don’t need to do house work, like cleaning up room, cooking dinner. In other words, young adults who live by themselves need to do such a thing. Thought such a thing, they have ability to live by their hands anywhere. Actually, I lived in Sendai, which is very far from my hometown.
And I could live by myself through experience.
Third, they can conceive importance of their families. For instance, when I lived with my family, I couldn’t find importance of my parent’s support and help. However, when I was independence from my parent, I could feel importance of my parent. Therefore, I can appreciate for my parents and think highly of my parents.
That’s why I argue that young adults should be independence from their parents as soon as possible.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 6
0
the writing part of toefl
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.following sentence is my answer
Recently, there are many young adults that prefer to live with their families. They can support each other by money and so on. Maybe it’s a real shape of the family. However, I agree young adults should be independence from their parents as soon as possible. I make this argument from following three perspective; they can spend much time what want to do, they can have faculty to live by themselves, and they can conceive importance of their families.
First, young adults can spend much time what they want to do. For example, I have lived by myself for four years. When I lived with my family, my parents was so strict and pressed me to study. So, I didn’t have much time to do other things. But now, I can do want I want to do, playing the piano and playing tennis etc. it make my life more abundant.
Second, they can become to live by themselves. Young adults who live with their families don’t need to do house work, like cleaning up room, cooking dinner. In other words, young adults who live by themselves need to do such a thing. Thought such a thing, they have ability to live by their hands anywhere. Actually, I lived in Sendai, which is very far from my hometown.
And I could live by myself through experience.
Third, they can conceive importance of their families. For instance, when I lived with my family, I couldn’t find importance of my parent’s support and help. However, when I was independence from my parent, I could feel importance of my parent. Therefore, I can appreciate for my parents and think highly of my parents.
That’s why I argue that young adults should be independence from their parents as soon as possible.
0
the writing part of toefl
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Others prefer to live longer with their families. Which would you choose? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.following sentence is my answer
Recently, many young adults prefer to live with their families. They can support each other by money and so on. Maybe it’s the real shape of the family. However, I agree that young adults should be independent from their parents as soon as possible. I say this from following three perspectives; they can spend much time doing what they want to do, they can have live by themselves, and they can conceive the importance of their families.
First, young adults can spend much time doing what they want to do. For example, I have lived by myself for four years. When I lived with my family, my parents was so strict and pressed me to study so I didn’t have much time to do other things. But now, I can do want I want to do, play the piano and play tennis etc. it makes my life more abundant.
Second, they can become independent. Young adults who live with their families don’t need to do house work, like cleaning up rooms, cooking dinner. In short, young adults who live by themselves need to do such things. Learning such things, they can live by their hands anywhere. Actually, I lived in Sendai, which is very far from my hometown.
And I could live by myself through experience.
Third, they can appreciate the importance of their families. For instance, when I lived with my family, I couldn’t see how important was my parent’s support and help. However, when I became independent from my parents, I could feel their importance. Therefore, I can appreciate my parents and think highly of them.
That’s why I argue that young adults should be independent from their parents as soon as possible.
Very well written!
0
the writing part of toefl
Some young adults want independence from their parents as soon as possible. Other young adults prefer to live with their families for a longer time. Which of these situations do you think is better? Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.following sentence is my answer
Recently, there are many young adults prefer to live with their families.They can support each other by with money and so on. Maybe it’s a real shape of the family. However, I agree young adults should be independencet from their parents as soon as possible. I make this argument from following three perspective; they can spend much time doing what want to do, they can have faculty to live by themselves, and they can conceive learn the importance of their families.
In red: I'm not sure what was meant.
First, young adults can spend much time doing what they want to do. For example, I have lived by myself for four years. When I lived with my family, my parents was so strict and pressed pressured me to study so I didn’t have much time to do other things. But now, I can do want I want to do, playing the piano and playing tennis etc. it make my life more abundant.
Second, they can become begin to live by themselves. Young adults who live with their families don’t need to do house work, like cleaning up room, cooking dinner. In other words, young adults who live by themselves need want to do such a thing these things.
You had made a statement and then made the opposite statement so I think that you meet instead of need to clean they want to clean.
Thought such a thing, they have ability to live by their hands anywhere. Actually, I lived in Sendai, which is very far from my hometown and I could live by myself through experience.
sentences shouldn't start with 'and' it can be done in spoken english but it's not correct
Third, they can conceive understand importance of their families.
conceive doesn't really make sense in this sentence, you conceive a baby, you conceive an idea these things are made from thin air. You can realise the importance of family or start to understand it
For instance, when I lived with my family, I couldn’t find see the importance of my parent’s support and help. However, when I was independence independent from my parent, I could feel see importance of my parent them. Therefore, I can appreciate for my parents and think highly of my parents.
That’s why I would argue that young adults should be independencet from their parents as soon as possible.
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
