IELTS writing: Problems and solutions of declining birth rates and aging society
Recently, birth rates have gradually declined and the development of medical technology has accelerated the aging of the society especially in developed countries. Consequently, this is likely to cause some social issues. This essay will argue some of them and countermeasures against the problems.
Firstly, unbalanced population will collapse the pension system. It would be a huge burden for a small number of young generations to support a large abs increasing number of elderly people financially. If this happens, young workers will have to be plagued by the duty of expensive pension, with worries about their uncertain future because they might not be able to receive as much money as they will pay.
However, this can be prevented if the birth rate is improved and there are more workers who do not need financial help. To realize this, the government should enhance the child-raring systems so that parents can afford to have more children. In addition, riding the retirement age might be effective to allow seniors to work long.
Secondly, declining birth rates will cause serious shortage of the working population. This may affect the country’s economy since lack of labor will often lead to decrease of productivity. If companies will try to maintain their competitiveness, this will end up imposing enormous workload to their employees.
However, there are some strategies to combat this issue. One is to abolish retirement system. In fact, there are many people who want to continue their job as long as they can. Another remedy is to install technological devices to entrust part of work to them. It is true that some robots are playing an important role on nursing homes instead of human staffs.
To sum up, declining birth rates and aging society are grave problems in many countries, but some of them can be solved.
This might be too long and those ideas may sound unpersuasive.
I would be very grateful if someone can give me another viewpoint about this issue!
Thank you very much!
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Corrections · 3
1
IELTS writing: Problems and solutions of declining birth rates and aging society
Recently, birth rates have gradually declined and the development of medical technology has increase the number of aged people in society especially in developed countries. Consequently, this is likely to cause some social issues. This essay will argue some of them and countermeasures against the problems.Firstly, an unbalanced population will collapse the pension system. It would be a huge burden for a small number of young generations to support a large and increasing number of elderly people financially. If this happens, young workers will be plagued by the duty of expensive pension payments, with worries about their uncertain future because they might not be able to receive as much money as they will pay.
However, this can be prevented if the birth rate is increased and there are more workers who do not need financial help. To realize this, the government should enhance the child-rearing systems so that parents can afford to have more children. In addition, raising the retirement age might be effective by allowing seniors to work longer.
Secondly, declining birth rates will cause serious shortages in the working population. This may affect the country’s economy since a lack of labor will often lead to a decrease in productivity. If companies try to maintain their competitiveness, this will end up imposing an enormous workload on their employees.
Nevertheless, there are some strategies to combat this issue. One is to abolish the retirement system. In fact, there are many people who want to continue their job as long as they can. Another remedy is to install technological devices and entrust part of the work to them. It is true that some robots are already playing an important role in nursing homes instead of human staff.
To sum up, declining birth rates and an aging society are grave problems in many countries, but some of them can be solved.
This might be too long and those ideas may sound unpersuasive.
I would be very grateful if someone can give me another viewpoint about this issue!
Thank you very much!
Hello Saki, it is quite difficult to assess your answer well without seeing the question but generally your essay is well laid out the word count was a little high at 302, but not excessive. Overall your message is clear but be careful with words. In the first paragraph it appears that you are saying that medical technology is causing society to age!
Other corrections are mainly articles and patterns which you need to get right to be really effective.
Good work
Bob
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