Search from various English teachers...
France flagThibaut
A story of my father - Part 1 Last Sunday, we were having lunch in family : my brother and his wife, the grand-parents, our aunt and uncle, and our cousin. Our parents, as for them, had gone for a journey (a trekking in Morocco). I don't remember exactly how we came to this topic : I think that my brother, who's got for several months into a frenzy for running, was talking about the remarkable physical condition of our father, now 56 years-old, and who's been doing the trip to his work by bike, around twenty kilometers round-trip every day since 1991, even facing the wind, under the rain or snow. That's when our uncle, brother-in-law to our father, who was very close to him several years ago, began to tell us about a time of his past about which we both hardly knew a thing, for our father nearly never told us a word of it. "One thing you must know about him is that he was already remarked for his endurance when he was young. At the age of eighteen, he had just started to work at the hospital, when he was called to the military service. You father was built just like both of you : lightweight, but with strong shoulders and endurance, able to run for hours - "built like a cat", they used to say. That's why after physical tests, he was sent to the paratroopers, the "13e RDP" [13th Paratroop Regiment] - The Dragoons !", I said - Yes, the hardest one", he replied. "We hardly knew him when he came back on leave, you wouldn't believe how muscular he had become !... At the time, one of the missions of that unit was to plan the drop of some tough guys into eastern Germany, on behalf of the Military Intelligence ; after that, they would have to come back on their own, with nothing else than their legs !... So, lightweigh and endurance, as you can understand, were the sought qualities. But your father definitely couldn't stand their mentality. The professional soldiers of the regiment, as well as the officers, for most, were only fools. One of their things for instance, was like, the first who finished the obstacle course, could stop ; but the second had to make a second lap ; the third, two more laps... In your father's section, there was this guy suffering from asthma - and your father supported him, as much as he could do, and because he supported him, he also had to take for him. The asthmatic guy was exhausted, choking on the ground - and the sergents and corporals were around him, dragging him in the mud and kicking him. That's when your father realized he had to get out of this hell."

Corrections · 12

1

Part 2:

"One thing you must know about him is that he was already remarked known for his endurance when he was young. At the age of eighteen, he had just started to work at the hospital, when he was called into the military service. You father was built just like both of you : lightweight, but with strong shoulders and endurance, able to run for hours - "built like a cat", they used to say. That's why after physical tests, he was sent to the paratroopers, the "13e RDP" [13th Paratroop Regiment]" -  "The Dragoons !", I said. "Yes, the hardest one", he replied. "We hardly knew him when he came back on leave, you wouldn't believe how muscular he had become ! ... At the time, one of the missions of that unit was to plan the drop of some tough guys into eastern Germany, on behalf of the Military Intelligence ; after that, they would have to come back on their own, with nothing else other than their legs !... So, lightweight and endurance endurance and being lightweight, as you can understand, were the sought after qualities. But your father definitely couldn't stand their mentality. The professional soldiers of the regiment, as well as the officers, for most, were mostly only fools. One of their things for instance, was like, the first who finished the obstacle course, could stop ; but the second had to make a second lap ; the third, two more laps ... In your father's section, there was this guy suffering from asthma - and your father supported him, as much as he could do, and because he supported him, he also had to take for care of him. The asthmatic guy was exhausted, choking on the ground - and the sergents and corporals were around him, dragging him in the mud and kicking him. That's when your father realized he had to get out of this that hell."

1

Part 1:

A story of about my father - Part 1

Last Sunday, we were having lunch in as a family : my brother and his wife, the grand-parents, our aunt and uncle, and our cousin. Our parents, as for them, had gone for a journey (a trekking in Morocco). I don't remember exactly how we came to this topic : I think that my brother, who's got for several months has been into a frenzy for running, was talking about the remarkable physical condition of our father, now 56 years-old, and who's been doing the trip to his work by bike, around a twenty kilometers round-trip every day since 1991, even facing in the wind, under the rain or snow. That's when our uncle, brother-in-law to our father, who was very close to him several years ago, began to tell us about a time of in his past about which we both hardly knew a thing, for our father nearly had never told us a word of it.

0

Continued:

One of their things they did, for instance, was like, the first who finished the an obstacle course, could stop, but the second had to make do a second lap, and the third, two more laps and so on. In your father's section, there was this guy suffering from asthma. Your father supported him, as much as he could do, and because of this, he took (bore) the brunt of (the) abuse from his superiors (he paid a price/he took a beating/hit). The asthmatic guy was exhausted, choking on the ground, so the sergeants and corporals were around surrounded him, dragging him in the mud and (while/all the while) kicking him. That's when your father realized he had to get out of that hell."


- Nice text!

Generally only minor mistakes. I'd suggest replacing some of the underlined words or phrases with those in brackets. Highly recommend using more 'full-stops/periods'. A recommendation I make to native speakers as well.

- a journey: generally going from A to B

- called into military service/ called to do military service



0

A Story of about my Father - Part 1

Last Sunday, we were having had lunch in as a family. It was myself, my brother and his wife, the our grandparents, our aunt and uncle, and our cousin. As for our parents, as for they had gone (were) for on a journey (holiday) - a trekking in Morocco if you'd believe.(I've no idea where their idea to trek in Morocco came from.) I don't remember exactly how we came (started to talk) about them (or my dad in particular) but we did.

I think (that) my brother, who's recently taken up got for several months into a frenzy for running, was talking about the remarkable physical condition of our father (our dad is in). Now 56 years old, and who's he's been doing the his trip to his work by bike, which is around (about) a twenty kilometer the round-trip every day since 1991, even facing harsh conditions (OR even braving the elements) - the wind, the rain and snow (SIMPLY even in wind, rain or snow). That's when our uncle, (brother-in-law to our father UNNECESSARY - or my dad's brother-in law), who was very close to (with) him several years ago, began to tell us about a time of in his past about which we both hardly knew a thing about, for as our father nearly never hadn't told us a word of (about) it.

"One thing you must know about him is that he was already remarked known for his endurance when he was young. At the age of eighteen, he had just started to work  (working) at the hospital, when he was called (in)to (the) military service. You father was built just like the both of you: lightweight, but with strong shoulders and with a high level of endurance, able to run for hours - "built like a cat", they used to say. That's why after physical tests, he was sent to the paratroopers, the '13e RDP'." [13th Paratroop Regiment] - "The Dragoons!", I said - "Yes, the hardest one", he replied. "We hardly knew him when he came back (home) on leave, you wouldn't believe how muscular he'd become!... At the time, one of the missions of that unit was to plan the drop of some tough guys into eastern Germany, on behalf of (the) Military Intelligence; after that, they would have to come back on their own, with nothing else than but their legs to make their way!... So, being lightweight and having endurance, as you can understand, were the sought after qualities. But your father definitely couldn't stand their mentality. The professional soldiers of the regiment, as well as the officers, for the most, were only fools (in your father's opinion).


0
Thank you a lot for your corrections ! I'll write the rest in a while :)

Want to progress faster?

Join this learning community and try out free exercises!

Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!

Start Learning Today