My step on African soil Could someone please check my writing or give some advice? Last year, I was in South Africa for 4 months. When I told my friends about it, I was often asked these questions:

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My step on African soil Could someone please check my writing or give some advice? Last year, I was in South Africa for 4 months. When I told my friends about it, I was often asked these questions: Is it safe? What is South Africa like? Were you living in a safari? How did you manage to survive? Let me change your image to Africa a bit. Here is my little introduction. First, South Africa is pretty safe. You may imagine it’s unsafe hearing the word Africa, but in fact, you’ll be surprised how developed South Africa is. There are many buildings and lovely cafes just like Europe. You’d forget that you are in an African country. In addition, it has the marvelous nature such as mountains, the sea and African animals. Surprisingly or not, you can even drink tap water. I actually drank it many times. Second, one of the most attractive charms of in South Africa would be the cultural diversity. To give you an example, there are 11 official languages in the country. It’s kind of funny when they don’t know their language each other though they’re from the same country. As for the people, they are surprisingly friendly and willing to help you when you’re in trouble. Perhaps you might be in a bar with them with a drink in a hand after just a little bit of talking. They respect for their culture each other, developing their diversity as a strength. That’d be the beautiful point. However, there is a thing I cannot finish without talking about. South Africa is developed compared to other African countries, but there are many poor people in the country. I was in Cape Town which is a pretty big city, with a 20 minute drive from the city, you’ll see tons of tin shacks which is hard to say house. I couldn’t believe that many people are living in this overly terrible condition while there are lots of rich people with a gorgeous and spacious house nearby. In short, South Africa is such a spectacular country. Actually I was -3% ready to leave there. As well as the beautiful aspect, I’d like you to look at the severe aspect. It’d be awesome if you put the country to your to go list in the future. I’m pretty sure South Africa has something for everyone.

Corrections · 9

My Experience on African Soil

Could someone please check my writing or give some advice?

Last year, I spent 4 months in South Africa. When I told my friends about it, I was often asked these questions: Is it safe? What is South Africa like? Did you go on a safari? How did you manage to survive? Let me change your image of Africa a bit. Here is my little introduction.

First, South Africa is pretty safe. You may imagine it’s unsafe upon hearing the word "Africa", but in fact, you'd be surprised to know how developed South Africa is. There are many buildings and lovely cafes just like in Europe. You’d forget that you are in an African country. In addition, it has_marvelous nature such as mountains, sea and African animals. Surprisingly enough, you can even drink tap water. I actually drank it many times.

Second, one of the most attractive charms of_South Africa would be the cultural diversity. To give you an example, there are 11 official languages in the country. It’s kind of funny when they don’t know each other's language though they’re from the same country. As for the people, they are surprisingly friendly and willing to help you when you’re in trouble. Perhaps you might find yourself at a bar with them, holding a drink in your hand after just a little bit of talking. They respect each other's culture, developing their diversity as a strength. That’d be the beautiful point.

However, I cannot finish this essay without talking about a thing. South Africa is very developed compared to other African countries, but there are many poor people in the country. I was in Cape Town which is a pretty big city, within a 20-minute drive from the city, you’ll see tons of tin shacks which can hardly be considered houses. I couldn’t believe that many people are living under these overly terrible conditions while there are lots of rich people who own gorgeous and spacious houses nearby.

In short, South Africa is such a spectacular country. Actually, I was -3% ready to leave there. As well as the beautiful aspect, I’d like you to look at the rough one. It’d be awesome if you put the country in your to-go list in the future. I’m pretty sure South Africa has something for everyone. :)

Here is my revision.

When I visited South Africa for 4 months last year, I told my friends about it and was often asked questions like: Is it safe? What is South Africa like? Were you living in a safari? How did you manage to survive? Let me change your mental image of Africa a little. Here is my little introduction.

 Firstly South Africa is actually pretty safe, upon hearing the word Africa you’d be surprised. In fact, you’ll be surprised at how developed South Africa is. There are many historic buildings and lovely cafes much like in Europe and would forget that you are in an African country. In addition, it has marvellous natural features such as mountains, two oceans and African animals. Surprisingly you can even drink tap water, I actually drank it a number of times.

  Secondly, one of the most attractive charms of in South Africa would be its cultural diversity. To give you an example, there are 11 official languages in the country. It’s kind of funny when they don’t know their each other’s language though they’re from the same country. As for the people, they are friendly and always willing to help you when you’re in need of assistance. After merely small conversation in a bar you might find yourself enjoying yourself some drinks together. They respect each others’ culture, developing their diversity as a strength. It is particularly remarkable.

  However, there is a thing I must point out. Although South Africa is developed compared to other African countries, there are many poor people in the country. I was in Cape Town which is a pretty big and civilised city, within a 20 minute drive from the city, you’ll see plenty of tin shacks which you could hardly call houses. I couldn’t believe that many people are living in this overly terrible condition while there are so many rich people with gorgeous and spacious properties nearby.  

In short, South Africa is such a spectacular country, I was not ready to leave. As well as the beautiful aspect, I’d like you to consider the severe aspect. It would be awesome if you put the country in your must-go-to list. I’m pretty sure South Africa has something for everyone.

Well done on a complimentary article, nicely contrasted the country with more popular views. You should make the style of writing flow better with small adjustments, adding conjunctions etc… For example. When I visited South Africa for 4 months last year, I told my friends about it and was often asked questions like: Is it safe? What is South Africa like? Were you living in a safari? How did you manage to survive? Let me change your mental image of Africa a little. Here is my little introduction. Occasionally you’ve used “the” where it is not necessary. For example: “it has the marvelous ..” change to “it has marvellous..” In other parts of the article you could substitute or commit “the” with more flowing phrases.

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