IELTS writing task 1... so difficult!!!
Hello everybody! I would be very thankful if someone would read this text and correct my mistakes.
This line graph provides data on the evolution of three different types of crime over a 9 years period (from 2003 to 2012).
Overall, the amount of crimes have diminished over the period considered. However, while the number of burglaries and robberies have become fairly stable since 2009, the amount of car thefts have, on the contrary, returned to rise.
As we can see from the graph, over the recent years (2007-2012), the most common crime committed is theft of cars: in fact, the number of this type of wrong has increased from about 2250 in 2007 to 2750 in 2012. Meanwhile, it is clear that the amount of burglaries has significantly dropped (it reached the peak of approximately 3250 in2004 and then started constantly lowering, reaching the number of almost 1500 in 2012).
The graph also demonstrates that on average the number of robberies has remained quite steady over the period considered.
Search from various English teachers...
Corrections · 4
1
IELTS Writing Task 1...So Difficult!!!
Hello everybody! I would be very thankful if someone could read this text and correct my mistakes.
This line graph provides data on the evolution of three different types of crime over a nine-year period (from 2003 to 2012). Overall, the amount of crimes has diminished over the period shown. However, while the number of burglaries and robberies have become fairly stable since 2009, the amount of car thefts have, on the other hand, started to rise.
As we can see from the graph, over the recent years (2007-2012), the most common crime committed is car theft; in fact, this type of crime has increased from about 2,250 in 2007 to 2,750 in 2012. Meanwhile, it is clear that the amount of burglaries has significantly dropped, (it reached the peak of approximately 3,250 in 2004 and then started dropping off, reaching 1,500 in 2012).
The graph also shows that on average, the number of robberies has remained constant over the period of time represented.
Overall, Giacomo not bad! I did notice a few mistakes in terms of word placement, and word choice which I corrected. I also noticed problems with the way in which you expressed numbers. When using numbers 1 to 9 in English the numbers should be written out in word form, unless being used for a numerical number (such as 900, for example). Also when writing numbers 1,000 or grater in English, you need to add a comma (,) between the number in the thousands place, and the number in the hundredths place. If you have any questions, please let me know! If you would like help to practice and improve your English, I'd be happy to help you!
1
IELTS writing task 1... so difficult!!!
Hello everybody! I would be very thankful if someone would read this text and correct my mistakes.This line graph provides data on the evolution (changing rates) of three different types of crime over a 9 years period (from 2003 to 2012). don't start a new line here Overall, the amount (amount - is for singular or uncountable nouns) of crimes have (has) diminished over the period considered. However, while the number of burglaries and robberies have become fairly stable since 2009, the amount (number) of car thefts have, on the contrary, returned (risen again/ continued to rise) to rise.
As we can see from the graph, over the recent years (2007-2012), the most common crime committed is theft of cars: in fact, the number of this type of wrong (wrongdoing / crime / illegal activity) has increased from about 2,250 in 2007 to 2,750 in 2012. Meanwhile, it is clear that the amount of burglaries has significantly dropped (it reached the (a)peak of approximately 3250 in2004 and then started constantly lowering, (to decrease steadily) reaching the number of almost 1500 in 2012).
The graph also demonstrates that on average the number of robberies has remained quite steady over the period considered.
I have corrected your mistakes, but it is really a good answer! Excellent overview at the beginning and you have taken the most important figures. Your grammar is fairly accurate and you have tried to use a range of language. Continue to work on synonyms and use of language for describing change. I'm not an IELTS examiner, but have seen a lot of IELTS task ones. I think this might get a 7. Let me know if you need more help. Jenny Cunningham
Want to progress faster?
Join this learning community and try out free exercises!
Don’t miss out on the opportunity to learn a language from the comfort of your own home. Browse our selection of experienced language tutors and enroll in your first lesson now!
Start Learning Today
