The last time I went home, I noticed that my mom has aged. She was 49 years old and I knew this was her age. But sometimes a number cannot tell you a lot. In my mind, my mother was always energetic and strong in facing anything. I never thought that she would ever need help. She has suffered a lot in the past 10 years.

After my uncle, who was the pillar in my big family including my 3 aunts and grandma was thrown into jail for 3 years because of taking bribes, my mother took his role and hosted [I would use the phrase “and took care of the whole family”] the whole family. Since medical insurance and loan applications to official banks in China were greatly in shortage, my mother often played as a family bank since she was relatively richer than other family members and whenever the others needed money, she would offer it.

[Though grammatically correct, I would suggest rephrasing the above – My mother became the surrogate patriarch and the de facto financial provider at the same time. She generously offered support to the other family members financially when they were in need.]

Another thorny thing was that my grandma was very old and of weak disposition. We thought if she knew that her only son was in prison, she would suffer have a nervous breakdown, so we had to conceal this fact from her and try to make her believe that everything was all right. Fabricating a lie just once is easy, but if one needs to fabricate lies for ten years, that would be a great challenge. Nevertheless we went on with it. My grandma never knew the truth and passed away peacefully.

Also, as my grandma was too old to take care of herself, my mother became her nanny and my grandma lived with us for the ten years. I experienced watching my grandma get older and older, weaker and weaker over the years. She gradually lost clear consciousness. In the end, she was almost paralysed, lying on the bed and recognised no one including my mother. My mother took care of her for ten years and almost exhausted herself.

In the last period[?], I was studying in high school and preparing for the National College Entrance Examination. I went to school at 7 am and came back home at 11 pm. I focused on the oncoming tests and my mother just told me to let alone this messy situation in family and to concentrate on my studies. She was a middle-aged Chinese woman who needed to take care of both the old and the young. In that time, my mother was a common staff in university. She was not a famous professor but a clerk handling administration and a party member in CCP. Her job was quite boring and meaningless in a sense, and the atmosphere in her office was bureaucratic and unfriendly. But she was very responsible at work and tried to make a living out of that.

Hi Xia, 

I've put in a few insertions based on my interpretation of your feelings in this situation. I guess being asian we do understand how families keep going to back to a  kind and generous family member for handouts. :-/

I do agree with Kay. Sentences are far too long which makes it difficult for the reader to understand. Try to keep each sentence to 12 words or so. It really helps!

I could forward you the word document which tracked all the changes if you like. Just message me with your email address. 

Good Luck! :D

My Mother (part one)

The last time I came went home, I noticed for the first time that my mom had been was getting old for the first.
She was 49 years old, and I knew this number that was her age, but, sometimes, a number cannot tell you a lot that much. In my mind, my mother was always energetic and strong in when facing anything. I never thought that she would need some help.

She has suffered a lot in the past 10 years. After my uncle, who played the pillar in my big family including my 3 aunts and grandma, was threw thrown into jail for 3 years because of he was taking bribes, my mother took his role and was the host to the whole family. Since medical insurances and approachable loan from official banks in China were greatly in great shortage, my mother often played acted as a family bank since she was relatively richer than other family members and whenever others needed money, she would offer it.

Another thorny thing is that my grandma was very old and of weak disposition. This led us to believe that and we thought if she knew that her only boy (you may want to change boy to son) was in prison, she would suffer a totally nervous breakdown, so we had decided to conceal the situation and try to make her believe that everything was all right alright. Fabricating a lie in one for a short time is easy, but if one need to fabricates lies for ten years, that will it would be a great challenge and sometimes even intolerable to liars him or her (this rule of using him or her applies because you made the subject of the sentence "one", as in one person), but, nevertheless, we did it. My grandma did not find out the truth and passed away peacefully.

Besides that, since my grandma was too old to take care of herself, my mother played as her nanny and my grandma lived with us in for ten years. I experienced the process during which of my grandma got getting older and older, weaker and weaker, and gradually lost losing her clear consciousness. In the end, she was almost paralysed, lying on the bed and recognising no one, including my mother. My mother took care of her for ten years and almost exhausted herself.

In the last period, I was studying in high school and preparing for the National College Entrance Examination. I went to school in at 7 am. and came back home in at 11 pm. I focused on the my in coming incoming tests and my mother just told me to let alone ignore those the mess in our family and to concentrate on study studying. She was a middle-age Chinese women woman who needed to both take care of both the old and the young.

In that time, my mother was a common staff in university. She was not a famous professor but a clerk in administration and a party member in CCP. Her job was quite boring and meaningless in a sense, and the atmosphere in her office was bureaucratic and unfriendly. But Despite this, she was very responsible in her work and try tried to make a living on that.

A few of my corrections are opinions on style and sentence structure, as some of your sentences felt a little too long. When sentences are too long, they can start to become hard to understand and may even become run on sentences (a sentence that goes on and on without proper grammar).

If you care, there are a few notes. Make sure you watch out for the tense you are using. If you are using past tense, make sure it carries through the paragraph, etc. And, also, make sure you watch for singular or plural noun implications, but, overall, this aspect was very good and it's honestly a really annoying, complicated thing to grasp. Be careful about starting sentences with but.

Thank you for sharing! Good luck!