The Fallen Leaves
Its sunny but still cold here.I can hear winds are blowing here and there. Leaves on the trees grew yellow and fell down as tired butterflies... Sometimes i have the feeling that the fallen leaves are similar to our lives... Mom called me last night and told the news that my grandpa's sister had passed away. On hearing that,I worried much about my grandpa. He lives alone and must feel lonely since grandma had gone forever.but what can I do? I have to also live alone to study... I just made wishes and prayers.i wanna tell all of the people I care how much I treasure them no matter where they are...
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The Falling Leaves1
It is sunny but still it is cold here. I hear winds blowing here and there. Leaves still on the trees had turned yellow and soon they fall away like tired butterflies.2 There are times when I feel that falling leaves are akin to our lives. Last night, mom called me about the news of the passing of my grandpa's sister. On hearing the news, I was worried about grandpa. Alone he lives, loneliness he must had felt3. You see, grandma too had gone forever from him. What can I do? Alone too I had to live but with a different purpose - to pursue my studies. Wishes were just made and prayers were just said4. I want5 to tell people6 how much I treasure them no matter where they are...
1. See the link below about my comment on "Fallen Leaves" vs "Falling Leaves"
http://www.italki.com/notebook/entry/80389.htm
2. I love your imagery here! I must steal it from you for my next project :)
3. I am trying to be poetic here and so normal rules of grammar do not apply.
4. Again throwing in another poetic-like line to emphasize how you feel at this moment.
5. You were writing pace is poetic but suddenly launched into slang. Perhaps you did not know that "wanna" is a slang. Using slang at this juncture destroys the rhythm and mood of your piece.
6. You want to let as many people know how much you treasure your loved ones, however you are not able to tell this to all the people in the world.
A very lovely piece of ideas you had written. You possess the soul of a poet. In time with your improved English, you can become a good writer of English.
The Fallen Leaves
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The Fallen Leaves
Its sunny but still cold here.I can hear windsWant to progress faster?
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