Could you review my cover letter?

To whom it may concern:

I would like to express my interest in the job offer you advertised in the AAA. It is completely exactly the type of position that I have been looking for, and the position appeals to me for two reasons. First, my goal is to be a project manager in the energy development field. Working for Halliburton will would be precious valuable experience achieving my goal in that regard. Second, I have completed personnel training courses of for abroad overseas construction and plant engineering that is through a government project from International Contractors Association of Korea, and I am eager to work in the real field based on my learning. apply my knowledge in the field.

[During three and a half years at Kyung Hee University, where I am majoring in Mechanical Engineering, I could get much of academic knowledge; however, I realized what I had learned in school is such a little part of mechanical engineering while I was taking the plant engineering course in ICAK. I not only learned about -- See note below]  My training has included obtain order generation, plant EPC processes, resource development and contracts, construction, financial managements. but could know I would like to gain an overview of trends in this the field through each part of contact with a variety of professionals, and I am I decided to try getting a chance to work in the real field, especially interested to work in the Middle East.

My work experience in film production, store management, and retail sales has [I have some valuable experience in a variety of fields including production of independent film, management of fruit store and mobile phones retail store, and that experience] taught me endurance, how a way to treat people depend on with sentitivity to the circumstances, and the importance of co-operation with team members. Besides, I can use I am proficient with major MS programs including PowerPoint, Word, Excel, AutoCAD, and Primavera. I am conversant with in English thanks to after studying in the U.S. for five months, and I am going to study before plan to continue my English studies until the internship. [I think the last sentence fits better with the next paragraph]

I believe that my work experience, training, and professional interests the abilities which I have would could be useful to your company. Although I have no real specific field experience in the field of gas and oil, I am confident that I am promise I will be able to successfully carry out my tasks as a member of the Mechanical Maintenance & Engineering teams with the professional attitude of and as a person who want plans to be a project manager in this field.

I want to look forward to showing you my passion for the work and my confidence at the interview [are you already guaranteed an interview?], as I am confident you will consider me highly capable and suitable for this position.

Hi Brandon,

I have corrected not only for English style, but also for resume style. I believe that in cover letters, it is most important to tell you what you can offer them and why you are a fit for the position. They are less interested in your personal journey of thought. For this reason, I suggested that you remove much of the second paragraph, as I believe you have made yourself clear without it. In the third paragrpah, I took out details about your work and summarized them, because I thought the general field of "retail sales" was more widely applicable than the specific "cell phone retail" detail.

I believe cover letters are generally supposed to have an "action step" sentence at the end. So you might want to add a final sentence such as "I will follow up with a phone call next week to arrange an interview at your earliest convenience."

See http://www.glassdoor.com/blog/5-phrases-close-cover-letter-land-interview/

All best on your job search!

Could you review my cover letter?

To whom it may concern:

I would like to express my interest in the job offer you advertised in the AAA. It is exactly the type of position that I have been looking for, and appeals to me for two reasons. First, my goal is to be a project manager in the energy development field. Working for Halliburton will be precious experience achieving my goal. Second, I completed personnel training courses of overseas construction and plant engineering that was a government project from International Contractors Association of Korea. I am eager to work in the real field based on what I’ve learned.

During three and a half years at Kyung Hee University, where I majored in Mechanical Engineering, I learned a lot of academic knowledge. However, I realized that what I had learned in school is such a small part of mechanical engineering while I was taking the plant engineering course in ICAK. I not only learned about obtain order, plant EPC process, resource development and contract, construction, and financial management, but I also obtained an overview of trends in this field through the help of professionals in each part. I decided to try work in the real field, especially in the Middle East.

I have some valuable experience in a variety of fields including production of independent film, management of a fruit store and mobile phone retail store. That experience taught me endurance, how to treat people depending on circumstances, and the importance of cooperation with team members. Furthermore, I am proficient in major MS programs including PowerPoint, Word, Excel, AutoCAD, and Primavera. I am conversant in English thanks to studying in the U.S. where I plan to continue studying before the internship. I believe that my abilities could be useful to your company.

Although this would be my first real experience in the field of gas and oil, I am certain I will be able to successfully carry out my tasks as a member of the Mechanical Maintenance & Engineering teams with a goal toward becoming a project manager in this field. I want to show you my passion for work and my confidence at the interview.

Could you review my cover letter?

To whom it may concern:

I would like to express my interest in the job offer you advertised in the AAA. It is completely exactly the type of position that I have been looking for, and appealed to me for two reasons. First, my goal is to be a project manager in the energy development field. Working for Halliburton will be precious experience for achieving my goal. Second, I completed personnel training courses of abroad construction (Do you mean construction outside of Korea?  Maybe try "construction abroad" or "foreign construction") and plant engineering that is government project from International Contractors Association of Korea, and I am eager to work in the real field based on my learning.

During three and a half years at Kyung Hee University, where I am majoring in Mechanical Engineering, I could get a lot of academic knowledge; however, I realized what I had learned in school is such a little small part of mechanical engineering while I was taking the plant engineering course in ICAK. I not only learned about obtain order, plant EPC process, resource development and contract, construction, financial managements but could know an overview of trends in this field through each part of professionals. I decided to try getting to get a chance to work in the real field, especially the Middle East.

I have some valuable experience in a variety of fields including the production of independent film, the management fruit stores and a mobile phones retail store, and that experience taught me endurance, a way to treat people depend on the circumstances and the importance of co-operation with team members. Besides Also, I can use major MS programs including PowerPoint, Word, Excel, AutoCAD, and Primavera. I am conversant with English thanks to studying in the U.S. for five months, and I am going to study before the internship. I believe that the abilities which I have could be useful to your company.

Although I have no real experience in the field of gas and oil, I promise I will be able to successfully carry out my task as a member of Mechanical Maintenance & Engineering teams and as a person who want to be a project manager in this field. I want to show you my passion for work and my confidence at the interview.

Wow Brandon, nice job!  It sounds like you will be a great asset to any company.  I especially liked your sentence "...I could get a lot of academic knowledge; however, I realized what I had learned in school is such a little small part of mechanical engineering..."  I think this is very true!  I learned many things in college, but it's very different to actual put those skills to use in the real world.  

Best of luck in finding a job!