My resume. Who can help me correcting mistakes in the resume? Thanks a lot!

Dear Hiring Manager,

My name is XXX. I am an Industrial Design undergraduate student at Iowa State University, with a concentration in product development and processes and a minor in general business. I am very excited about the Industrial position that you had listed on 2-Shanghai. (It might be helpful here to state what your professional goals are, or why you were excited). I feel my profession goals makes me an ideal candidate for this position.

This The position description mentioned we will joining a team which in Shanghai and Hong Kong with professional designers. Most of my projects involved working as a team, communicating our ideas between groups and dealing with problems in the process (maybe it would be better to say you "resolved problems in the process"). We’veI've (or if you prefer the plural "Our team has") been to many factories like John Deere, Assa Abloy to saw see the manufacture (not really sure what you are trying to say here... see the manufacturing process?), so I am familiar with visit factories factory visits and checking the status of production and quality. During my studio course, we I got lots experience of with industrial and graphic design skills (I'm not sure this is the right word. What did you get exerience with tools, programs...) in creating new products. Also I’veI also have strong skills in 3D modeling. I’m very experienced to in converting 2D into 3D in Solidworks. My business minor helps me to better understand customers and manage costs.

I am looking look forward to joining your team. Thanks you for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing information from you!

Sincerely,

XXX

Sorry I don't know more about your field or I could have made the comments more specific. Hope that helps.

My resume. Who can help me correcting mistakes in the resume? Thanks a lot!

Dear Hiring Manager,

My name is XXX. I am an Industrial Design undergraduate student at Iowa State University, with a minor in General Business. I am very excited about the Industrial position that you had listed on 2-Shanghai. My degree at Iowa State University with a concentration in Product Development and Processes, I feel my profession goals makes me an ideal candidate for this position.

This position description mentioned we will join a team in Shanghai and Hong Kong with professional designers. Most of my projects involved group work, exchanging our ideas between groups, and dealing with problems in the process. We’ve been to many factories like John Deere, Assa Abloy to saw the manufacture, so I am familiar with visit factories and checking the status of productions and quality. During my studio course, we got lots experience of industrial and graphic design skills in creating new product. Also, I’ve strong skills in 3D modeling. I am very experienced to converting 2D into 3D in Solidworks. My business minor helps me to better understand customers and manage costs.

I am looking forward in joining your team. Thanks for your time and consideration. I am looking forward to hearing information from you!

Sincerely,

XXX

--refer to Brandy's corrections<-- It's very good.

--A big long cover letter. It depends on your job position, though. My cover letters are usually short and eye-catching.

--focus on YOU. I found two big sentence that were about your group. Use "I gained lots of experience of industrial and graphic design skills in creating new product."