#2 Essay of IELTS Writing. Please help me to correct it. Thanks for your time <3

TOPIC: In the developed world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society?
Support some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations.

The issue of the rising of average life expectancy is debated widely. It is generally believed that ageing populations result in problems for individuals and society. This essay will examine some matters and propose measures to improve the situation.
To begin with, we cannot deny that rising average life expectancy has a directly impact on the economy. The lacks of jobs is a serious problem which arises from the increase of the old people (explain why here). Moreover, almost companies want to hire young and skillful employees who would be able to adapt to the work characteristics. It seems hard for the elderly to meet the command demands of the environmental work environment. This problem, however, could be reduced by the attempts of both individuals and governments. People should continue to study subjects, which they have desires which interest them. Although the improvement may be slower than that of the younger people, but senior citizens feel they are useful for society (I don't think these 2 sentences are relevant to your argument and you have not said how individuals can help). Governments can help people to find appropriate works jobs. For example, a 50-year-old- lady with the a strong passion for  reading can become a skillful librarian.
In addition to the above problem, the health care system is also considered as a serious one. Governments have to spend a lot of money on medicines and treatments for the senior citizens. Every year, it takes spendsthousands of dollars on medical equipment and medicines. Governments have heavy pressure on taking to take care of the elderly. As regards some solutions to this problem, it is generally believed that the cooperation of individuals and society is vitally important. Health Care System administrators should appeal to the volunteers who support money had hard work(???) in hospitals or health care centers. Besides that, calling upon the helps of students is also a good idea.(how?) More importantly, governments should help the old people to be fully aware of the importance of keeping healthy, such as doing exercises and having a nutritious diet.
In conclusion, thanks to the medical development average life expectancy is rising. Even though this cause some problems as mentioned above, but these drawbacks could be controlled and this job requires the efforts of individuals and society in a the long run turn.

Please suggest me by supporting me with some more phases I should use in this essay. I appreciate your helps!!! <3

two things I would like to mention here. 1. This essay is a bit too long.  350 words. IELTS task two should be at least 250 and reach maybe 270, 280.  2. You may have noticeed that I have a number of questions in parentheses (how?  why?).  That is because these are areas that needed more support.  You expressed an argument but did not explain or give examples.  Therefore, I would suggest editing this essay a bit to reduce the word count but also making sure that all your arguments are well supported. 

#2 Essay of IELTS Writing. Please help me to correct it. Thanks for your time <3

TOPIC: In the developed modern world, average life expectancy is increasing. What problems will this cause for individuals and society?
Support some measures that could be taken to reduce the impact of ageing populations. (??? actually, I don't tatally  understand what do you want to tell us here.  It seems like aged peolpe to be a great problem for society and we need to do someting with them, like we shoud create some measures to depopulete the oldes. sorry but this is nonsense)

The issue of the rising of average life expectancy is debated widely. It is generally believed that ageing populations result in problems for individuals and society. This essay will examine some matters and propose measures to improve the situation.
To begin with, we cannot deny that rising average life expectancy has a directly impact on economy. The lacks of job (= unemployment) is a serious problem which arise from the increase of the old people. Moreover, almost the majority of companies want  tend  to hire young and skillful employees who would be able to adapt to the work conditions characteristics. It seems to be hard for the elderly to meet the command of the environmental (???) work. This problem, however, could be reduced by the attempts of both individuals and governments. People should continue to study subjects, which they have desires. Although the improvement may be slower than that of the younger people, but senior citizens feel they are useful (??may be vice versa) for society. The Governments can help people to find appropriate works. For example, a 50-year-old- lady with the strong passion for reading can become a skillful librarian.
In addition, to above problem raise a point , health care system is also considered as to be a serious one. Governments have to spend a lot of money on medicines and treatments for the senior citizens. Every year, it takes thousands of dollars on medical equipment and medicines. Governments have heavy pressure on taking care of the elderly. As regards some solutions to this problem, it is generally believed that the cooperation of individuals and society is vitally important. Health Care System administrators should appeal to the volunteers who support money had hard work in hospitals or health care centers. Besides that, calling upon the helps of students is also a good idea. More importantly, the governments should help the old people to be fully aware of the importance of keeping healthy, such as doing exercises, having a nutritious diet.
In conclusion, it is necessary to say that thanks to the medical development average life expectancy is rising. Even though this causes some problems as mentioned above, but these drawbacks could be controlled and this job requires the efforts of individuals and society in a long turn.

Please suggest me by supporting me with some more phases I should use in this essay. I appreciate your helps!!! <3

In general, it is not a very bad work, but I would suggest you to think it over again and rewrite it. There are many sentances, when it is quite difficult to catch the meaning and links between them.