With the changes in place, we now need to weed out unnecessary words etc., and also mistakes that survived through the first draft.  Each language has a cultural bias in the way things are done.

She was the only child in the family and because the family is poor,  Unlike other children, she did not enjoy their love in every conceivable manner like other children. Her mother's health is was never good. All family expenses were saddled upon the father who worked as a porter. Eversince she was little, she learnt to cook; to wash clothes; to buy medicine for the mother and working on the farm. Still, the father never praised her, even if she had been wronged. Still never half a There was no word of comfort came from the father. It is had been always that line,

"Don't mind her. She needs [to learn] to be strong."

Thus she often suspects that he is not her real father.

She wanted to go a non-local university. Mother asked father to accompany her to the university. Still the same old line from him, the father -

"Mind her not, she needs [to learn how ] to be strong."

Alone she packed. Alone, she left for the university. [This is okay even though we know where she is going.  This is literary emphasis.] During that moment of leaving As she left, all she saw was the weakened frame of her mother.

Sitting in the train, before her eyes were all strangers. She leaned on the small table and fell asleep. At midnight, she woke up. She discovered many people were sitting on the aisle in the overcrowded train. [A little more explanation since we don't experience this kind of life here in LA and so it would take a little more effort to realize the reason.  As a matter of fact, you are not allowed to sit on the floor!  If you get hurt, the company can be sued of having an overcrowded train]With great difficulty, she walked to the restroom. Suddendly she discovered a familiar figure shadow. sitting on the aisle, fast asleep. When she returned Upon returning to the seat, no way can she sleep anymore. Hot tears filled her eyes sockets.

The train at last reached its stop. She sat on the school bus where new students are to be bused. Sitting in the bus where students boarded for the school, she searched everywhere for that familiar body shadow sight. Then she saw him standing by the ticketing entrance.

Her heart was filled with warmth. At this moment she understood.

You asked me how to write better.  So I corrected the one in English with all the biases of my life experiences, moods and my preferred ways.  Therefore it is no longer your voice.  I had taken over your essay even though with explanations.  

Here, as you can see, the tone and simplicity is vastly different.  I merely translated your thoughts, faithfully keeping to your tone, intent and mood.  Yours is a piece of simplicity without adornments and decorations. 你的是梅花篇, 我的是牡丹篇, 各有千秋.  The way you write is your style.  All you need is the use of correct terms, the natural way of expressing in the target language, and of course grammar.  

Of course there are many more mini steps on the way as I'm too lazy to spell out everything in my mind as the translation progressed.  Also notice how I use paragraphs to my advantage.  Don't just write everything in one big blob.  Treat your essays like the most beautiful thing in your life.

Question: Why in the last sentence, I use a comma before "and" when I told you should not in one of my comments?

Father Quietly Followed Her

She is an only child in her family. Due to poverty, she couldn’t enjoy more parents’ love and care like other children. Her mother was always sick, and all the family cost was supported only by her father who was a porter. From an early age child, she had learnt how to cook, wash clothes, buy medicine for her mother, do farm work. However, her father never to praised her, and even if she wronged, she still couldn’t get any comfort from her father and was always given one sentence------- never to connive at her, she should learn to be strong. Hence she usually suspected that was she born by her parents or not. She had to go to university which was in other place, her mother asked her father to send her to school. Her father still said the same words---- never to connive at her, she should learn to be strong. She packed her clothes and left home to school alone. At the time of leaving home, she just saw the slight frame of her mother. Sitting in the train, she found that strangers were everywhere. She leaned against the small table and fell asleep. At midnight, she woke up and found the aisle was filled with people. It was hard to walk through the aisle and arrived at washing room, she suddenly noticed a familiar figure, which was sitting in the aisle and fell asleep. After retuning back to her seat, she couldn’t fall asleep again and her eyes brimmed with tears. At last, the train arrived at destination. She sat in the school bus looking everywhere for the familiar figure. When she found he was at ticket office gate, her hear was full of warmth. At that moment, she suddenly understood everything. Her father was always behind her quietly to caring, loving and protecting her. 

她是家中唯一的孩子。由於家裡窮，她不能像其他孩子一樣享有父母的百般疼愛。母親的身體一直不好，家裡的一切開支都是靠父親做搬運工來維持。她從小就學會了做飯，洗衣服，給母親買藥，做農活。然而，父親從來沒有稱讚過她，即使是受委屈了，也得不到父親的半點安慰，給她的總是那句話---不能慣她，她要學會堅強。所以她經常懷疑他是不是親生的。她要去外地上大學了，母親叫父親送她去學校。父親還是那句話---不能慣她，她要學會堅強。她一個人整理行囊，獨自離家去學校了。離開家那一刻，她看到的只有母親那瘦弱的身軀。坐在火車上，滿眼都是陌生人，她靠在小桌子上睡著了。午夜時分，她醒來時，發現過道上都坐滿了人。她艱難的走過過道來到衛生間，突然發現一個熟悉的身影，他正坐在過道上睡著了。等她回到座位了，再也無法睡著了，熱淚盈眶。火車終於到站了，她坐在學校接新生的大巴上四處尋找那個熟悉的身影。看到他正在售票廳門口，她心裡充滿了溫暖。此刻她明白了，

Stripping away all the Chinese for easier changing...  The first step is where your English grammar rules, spelling rules, punctuation rules etc comes in.  You do the cosmetic changes first.  This should be easy if you learnt your lessons well.

She was the only child in the family. because the family is poor. Unlike other children, she did not enjoy their love in every conceivable manner. Mother's health is never good. All family expenses were saddled on the father who worked as a porter. Eversince she was little, she learnt to cook; wash clothes; buy medicine for the mother, and working on the farm. Still, the father never praised her, even if she had been wronged. Still never half a word of comfort came from the father. It is always that line, "Don't mind her. She needs to learn to be strong." Thus she often suspects that he is not her real father. 

She wanted to go a non-local university. Mother asked father to accompany her to the university. Still the same line from the father - "Mind her not, she needs to learn how to be strong." Alone she packed, (literally arranged/sort). Alone, she left for the university. During that moment of leaving, all she saw was the weakened frame of her mother.

Sitting in the train, before her eyes were all strangers. She leaned on the small table and fell asleep. At midnight, she woke up. She discovered many people were sitting on the aisle. With great difficulty, she walked to the restroom. Suddendly she discovered a familiar shadow. Sitting on the aisle fast asleep. When she returned to the seat, no way can she sleep anymore. Hot tears filled her sockets.

The train at last reached its stop. She sat on the school bus where new students are to be bused. She searched everywhere for that familiar body shadow. She saw him standing by the ticketing entrance.

Her heart was filled with warmth. At this moment she understood.

All cosmetic changes are made.  Notice that the use of comma is quite different in Chinese and in English.  Hence this is why one can usually spot an essay written by a native Chinese speaker.  You need to learn the rules of punctuation in the target language.  In the next correction step, it is a bit more difficult as you need to know the culture and the preference of the target language.

This is translation.  

她是家中唯一的孩子。She was the only child in the family.

由於家裡窮，Because the family is poor, 

她不能像其他孩子一樣享有父母的百般疼愛。unlike other children, she did not enjoy their love in every conceivable manner.

母親的身體一直不好，Mother's health is never good,

家裡的一切開支都是靠父親做搬運工來維持。All family expenses were saddled on the father who worked as a porter.

她從小就學會了做飯，Since she was little, she learnt to cook,

洗衣服，wash clothes,

給母親買藥，buy medicine for the mother,

做農活。working on the farm.

然而，Still, 

父親從來沒有稱讚過她，the father never praised her,

即使是受委屈了，even if she had been wronged.

也得不到父親的半點安慰，Still never half a word of comfort came from the father.

給她的總是那句話---Always that line,

不能慣她，她要學會堅強。Don't mind her. She needs to learn to be strong.

所以她經常懷疑他是不是親生的。Thus she often suspect that he is not her real father.

她要去外地上大學了，She wanted to go a non-local university.

母親叫父親送她去學校。Mother asked father to accompany her to the university.

父親還是那句話---Still the same line from the father.

不能慣她，她要學會堅強。Mind her not, she needs to learn how to be strong.

她一個人整理行囊，Alone she packed, (literally arranged/sort)

獨自離家去學校了。Alone, she left for the university.

離開家那一刻，During that moment of leaving,

她看到的只有母親那瘦弱的身軀。all she saw was the weakened frame of her mother.

坐在火車上，Sitting in the train,

滿眼都是陌生人，before her eyes were all strangers.

她靠在小桌子上睡著了。She leaned on the small table and fell asleep.

午夜時分，At midnight,

她醒來時，she woke up. 

發現過道上都坐滿了人。She discovered many people were sitting on the aisle.

她艱難的走過過道來到衛生間，With great difficulty, she walked to the restroom.

突然發現一個熟悉的身影，Suddently she discovered a familiar shadow,

他正坐在過道上睡著了。Sitting on the aisle fast asleep.

等她回到座位了，When she returned to the seat,

再也無法睡著了，No way can she sleep anymore.

熱淚盈眶。Hot tears filled her sockets.

火車終於到站了，The train at last reached its stop.

她坐在學校接新生的大巴上四處尋找那個熟悉的身影。She sat on the school bus where new students to be bused, she searched everywhere for that familiar body shadow.

看到他正在售票廳門口，She saw him standing by the ticketing entrance

她心裡充滿了溫暖。her heart was filled with warmth.

此刻她明白了 At this moment she understood.

Now that the translation is done, you can start making changes to it...

At last, the train had arrived at reached its destination. She sat Now sitting in the school bus; looking her eyes searching everywhere for the that familiar figure... When she foundThere he was... [This ellipsis = 千言萬語何處說起 ]At ticket office gate. Her heart was full of warmth. [Not dramatic enough. Use personification to tie up with the previous paragraph to give a sense of contiuity & conclusion to your story] In her heart was Remorse and Happiness holding each other hand in hand. At that moment, she suddenly so too was Realization standing understood by her and everything had become crystal clear...HerThe father person whom she was always had suspected not to be her father, [Ties up your previous thought. This is closure.] is always behind her; caring, loving and protecting... quietly to cared, loved and protected her.