JINOK PARK's notebook entry: Oct 08, 2010
Hello.
Please, feel free to correct my writing.
Weclome everyone.
One of the familiar TOEFL topic.
Attending a live performance(for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Body1.
If we attend a live performance, we can enjoy much better than watching TV at home. I know that there are couple of merits to watch TV. For example, we can save time and money. We don't have to wait for a long time in front of a concert hall. However, why many people do want to go to a concert, even though they know that they have to wait for a long time? They know that enjoying the concert in a live performance is more fun than enjoying it at home. When I was a high school student, I went to the stadium to see baseball. That was the first time I went to the stadium. I've never forgot the day because it was so much fun compared to watching the game on TV. After that, mostly, I go to the stadium to see baseball.
Thank you for your help.
Have a good day.
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Corrections · 4
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jinok i rewrite evrything u can check it
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JJinok i rewrite everyhting so u can read it and check it
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JINOK PARK's notebook entry: Oct 08, 2010
Hello.Please, feel free to correct my writing.
Welcome everyone.
One of the familiar TOEFL topics.
Attending a live performance(for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Body1.
If we attend a live performance, we can enjoy it better than watching TV at home. I know that there are some merits to watch TV at home. For example, we can save time and money,wherein We don't have to wait for a long time in front of a concert hall. Why is it there are many people do want to go to a concert, even though they know that they have to wait for a long time? It is because they knew that concert in a live performance is more fun than watching it at home. When I was a high school student, I went to the stadium to see baseball. That was the first time I went to the stadium. I never forget that day because it was so much fun compared to watching the game on TV. After that, mostly, I go to the stadium to see baseball.
Thank you for your help.
Have a good day.
0
JINOK PARK's notebook entry: Oct 08, 2010
Hello.Please, feel free to correct my writing.
Welcome everyone.
This is an example of a TOEFLTest topic.
(a typical)
Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
Body1.
If we attend a live performance, we can enjoy it much better than watching the same performance TV at home. I know that there are couple of merits to watching TV. For example, we can save time and money. We don't have to wait for a long time in front of a concert hall. But then, why do many people
Thank you for your help.
Have a good day.
(빨간) Red = 대문자 Capitalized
(파란) Blue = 정정 & 철자 Correction and Spelling
(녹색) Green = 더 자연적인 방법으로 More natural way
(자주색) Purple = 내 생각에 / 코멘트 / 제안 I think, my comment or suggestion
(밑줄) Underline = 구두점과 띄어쓰기 Punctuation &/or spacing
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