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The electricity failed. 3 days ago,it was heavy rain with thunder and lightning. Lightning struck a telegraph pole in front of my house. And then, the electricity was off for 6 hours in my house. By the way, this time I thought how important the electricity is. And when I think back on what I did, I feel pretty stupid. When I didn't have the electricity, there were too many things I could not do. - I could not cook and take a bath because It's controled by the electricity. - I could not watch TV or Internet news so I could not know what's happened. - I could not work because I am a system engineer. - I could not use an air conditioner. (The temperature was 34 degrees) - I could not use my cell phone.(Unfortunately, the charge was almost 0%) etc.... In summary, I could not do anything. I was only just panicking with my cat. I thought I have to know how to get over a crisis more...

Corrections · 4

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The electricity failed.

3 days ago,it was heavy rain with thunder and lightning.
Lightning struck a telegraph pole in front of my house.
And then, the electricity was off for 6 hours in my house.

By the way, this time I thought how important the electricity is.
And when I think back on what I did, I feel pretty stupid.

When I didn't have the electricity, there were too many things I could not do.
- I could not cook and take a bath because It's controled by the electricity.
- I could not watch TV or Internet news so I could not know what's happened.
- I could not work because I am a system engineer.
- I could not use an air conditioner. (The temperature was 34 degrees)
- I could not use my cell phone.(Unfortunately, the charge was almost 0%)
etc....

In summary, I could not do anything.
I was only just panicking with my cat.

I thought I have to know how to get over a crisis more...

 

The electricity failed.

Three days ago my house was hit by a severe thunderstorm which lashed heavy rain with destructive lightning strikes. One strike hit a power pole in front of my house which caused a blackout for six hours before they could restore the electricity.

At this moment in time I realised the importance of electricity and when I reflect on my actions I feel quite stupid.

Without electricity there were so many things I could not do. I could not cook because I have an electric stove. I could not watch TV or search the internet for news as both my modem and TV rely on electricity. With no electricity to my computer I could not work as a system engineer. The air conditioning also relies on electricity as it was 34 degrees this was most uncomfortable. The battery on my cell phone was flat also and I could not recharge it without electricity.

I felt I could do nothing at the time other than sit and panic with my cat. I need to learn how to deal with a crisis like this a lot better.


I have tried to offer you a different writing style. Rather than bullet point the things you could not do, try to write in sentence format as I have shown. this way it is much more informative and pleasant to the reader and it also helps you practice more on your sentence strucure etc. You may want to make the story more interesting and informative this way also as I have many questions left unanswered for e.g Why could you not take a bath? the elecrticity does not control the water flow and any hot water would still be hot for a few hours? Why could you not work exactly, do you not have a laptop with a charged battery and a mobile USB internet? 

These are just suggestions, there is a few grammatical errors that I am sure you can see from the two corrections but other than that GREAT WORK!!! It is great to see you are trying to write more which is the best way to learn, so congratulations and keep trying and improving!!

By the way, my hometown is prone to a lot of severe storm activities during the summer months, we have an "emergency pack" which we keep in a safe dry place. It contains  a few litres of fresh water, some canned food, some utensils, can opener etc, a battery operated radio and a spare battery, a torch  and a power pack for a mobile phone wich delivers enough to fully charge the phone. We check this pack on a monthly basis and replace or renew as needed. Maybe you could make a pack similar to this. Email me if you need any advice.

 

 

 

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The electricity failed.

 

Correction: The electricity went out.

[We use out instead of fail, or off. If you wanted to say that it failed, you would say the POWER failed. For some reason, we make this distinction].

 

3 days ago,it was heavy rain with thunder and lightning.
Lightning struck a telegraph pole in front of my house.
And then, the electricity was off for 6 hours in my house.

 

Correction: Three days ago, there was a thunderstorm. Lightning struck a a telephone pole in front of my house, which shut the electricity off for 6 hours.

[Rain + Lightning + Thunder = Thunderstorm. We refer to these poles as telephone poles. Also, when you talk about an event (Lightning struck a telephone pole), that event caused something (shutting your electricity off), and they belong in the same sentence.]

By the way, this time I thought how important the electricity is.
And when I think back on what I did, I feel pretty stupid.

 

Correction: By the way, at this time I thought about how important the electricity was, and when I think about what I did, I feel pretty stupid.

[Remember, in English we make heavy distinctions about how you make reflections (I thought, thinking back, etc.), you always want to say "about", or give a very specific subject. Also, remember that the verb tense is very important.]


When I didn't have the electricity, there were too many things I could not do.
- I could not cook and take a bath because It's controled by the electricity.
- I could not watch TV or Internet news so I could not know what's happened.
- I could not work because I am a system engineer.
- I could not use an air conditioner. (The temperature was 34 degrees)
- I could not use my cell phone.(Unfortunately, the charge was almost 0%)

etc....

 

Correction:

When I didn't have electricity, there were so many things I could not do, such as:

- I could not cook or take a bath because they are controlled by electricity.

- I could watch TV or the internet news, so I did not know what was happening.

- I could not work because I am a system engineer.

- I could not use an air conditioner. (The temperature was 34 degrees).

- I could not use my cell phone. (Unfortunately, the battery was almost dead).

[Instead of etc, you can use "such as" with a colon (:) to let people know that the list isn't complete. Otherwise, this section was really well done.]


In summary, I could not do anything.
I was only just panicking with my cat.

 

Correction: In summary, I could not do anything. All I could do was panic with my cat.

[The last sentence should make a reference to the previous sentence. You couldn't do anything, but you were panicking with your cat? You need to say along the lines of "I couldn't do anything, BUT..."]

I thought I have to know how to get over a crisis more...

 

Correction: It made me think about how I have to know about how to get over a crisis.

[This sentence should reference your previous story. What made you think about how to get over a crisis? This crisis.]

 

I hope this helps! Having no electricity can be terrible! I have had the same thing happen to me, but fortunately everything that batteries was still fully charged. I, too, hope you will be more prepared next time!

 

:D

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